DANCE Moms star Kalani Hilliker opened up about the emotional trauma she suffered during her time on the show.
The Lifetime show returned on May 1 for a new season, five years after it was canceled.
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The reality show ended in 2019 after protagonist Abby Lee Miller, 58, was accused of racism.
Kalani, 23, broke down crying during the first episode of Dance Moms: The Reunion on Wednesday after recalling a dance with a difficult theme.
Towards the end of the show, the six returning girls discussed some of the dances they performed, which were choreographed around significant topics.
These included routines based on Rosa Parks, lost children, Amber Alerts, and more.
When the producer brought up the subject of a dance with a suicide theme, Kalani immediately became emotional on camera.
“Speaking of impactful, Kalani?” asked the interviewer, to which the TV star replied in a choked voice: “I don’t know if I can talk about this dance.”
SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS
Jojo Siwa, 20, immediately asked her friend for support, placing her hand on her back as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“Yes, let me go to the bathroom real quick,” she announced as she ran off the set, leaving the other girls and producers with solemn expressions.
“Do you want to go check on her?” the executive producer suggested to Jojo, who followed Kalani into the bathroom.
“I don’t want to overwhelm her,” said teammate Chloe Lukasiak, 22.
Jojo spoke through the bathroom door, saying, “Whenever you want a friend, I’m here,” prompting Kalani to immediately open up and respond, “I want you.”
“I just never talked about it before,” she shared.
Through tears, the dancer continued: “Oh my God. And I never talked about it with my mother.
“My mom doesn’t even know,” she confessed, as her mother, Kira Girard, was filmed going to the bathroom to check on her.
OPENING
Kira joined Kalani, where the child star admitted she was shaking on set.
“I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I’ve called suicide hotlines before,” she shared.
“And this is the dance we’re about to talk about. I just like…I can’t even watch the dance. Like, that never happened.”
Back on set, Kendall Vertes, 21, explained the situation, recalling the troupe’s dance titled Suicide Hotline.
“That was one of our darkest dances. We had people come in from a hotline and they came to talk to us and gave us a lot of information about what they do.
“Poor girl,” she added.
In the bathroom, Kira asked her daughter if she knew the conversation was coming during the episode, to which she replied, “Yes, but I just didn’t think about it.
“That’s why I’m so anxious, because I didn’t think about it until it hit me.
“I just never talked about it. I’m fine… it was really hard,” she added.
I have called a suicide hotline in the past and they have helped me.
Kalani Hilliker
SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCE
Kalani returned to the set, where she watched the end of the video with the girls despite her difficult emotions surrounding the issue.
Afterwards, she talked about the performance, to which she said she was “not prepared to talk about it”.
She explained through tears: “But I personally have had suicidal thoughts and so watching the dance obviously triggers emotions.
“It’s one of my favorite dances, but I think I connect with it more than ever, so it was hard for me to watch at that moment.”
Kalani’s dancing friends surrounded her in a hug as they supported her throughout the conversation.
The TV personality explained that she has already called a hotline and they have helped her process her feelings.
She added that she hopes dancing will help “spread awareness” to others.
Dance Moms: The Reunion follows six of the original members of Abby Lee Miller’s dance team as they return to talk about their experience on the show with their mothers.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255), chat at 988lifeline.orgor text Crisis Text Line at 741741.
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This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
