A PARENTING expert has revealed that she believes boys’ parents treat them like “dogs”.
Former BBC producer Ruth Whippman said parents should see their children as “complex emotional creatures” rather than pets who only need food and water to survive.
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The journalist, who is from the UK but now lives in California, has written a new book, called BoyMum, which gives parents advice on how to raise boys in the age of toxic masculinity.
‘Boy mother’ is a term often used in a derogatory way, against mothers who seem to prefer their sons over their daughters.
Ruth recently appeared on the BBC’s Woman’s Hour to share the common mistakes parents make when raising boys.
She said that leaning into stereotypes like “boys can’t sit still” and “boys don’t like to read” can be harmful to them in the future. future.
The mother of three added that her research for the book also helped change the way she raises her own children.
Discussing the book with presenter Nuala McGovern, Ruth explained that parents are now often more progressive when raising girls than when raising boys.
She said: “We talk about girls in a really expansive and inspiring way, so it’s like, ‘You can be anything, you’re strong, you’re tough, you’re brave, break those stereotypes’.”
However, she added that boys’ parents often oversimplify their needs.
She explained: “We tend to talk about boys in quite essentializing ways.
“So I hear a lot: ‘Boys are like dogs. They just need exercise and food and it just tires them out.’”
Ruth explained that there is a “grain of truth” to this statement, but added that it is “very limiting.”
She revealed that recent research shows that parents project masculine qualities onto boys from childhood, for example, fighting with them and treating them more roughly than girls.
As an example, she said that if a boy cries, they are seen as “more angry than sad, while they see their daughters as being in danger.”
Ruth encouraged parents to rethink the way they raise their children.
I’m a mother of 2 boys and no, I don’t treat them like dogs
Fabulous digital editor and mother of two Lydia Major shared why she disagrees with Ruth’s statement.
Lydia Major said: “I have two boys, aged 7 and 3. One LOVES football, gets muddy and hates reading. The other likes horses, unicorns, wears beads and loves snuggles and a book. dog’ and another as a ‘girl’, no. Because every child is different.
“Do I listen to them when they are sad or angry and spend time with them to help them understand their emotions and tell them is it okay to cry and is it okay to feel angry? It’s a man and it’s non-toxic. They exist, Mrs. Whippman!
I completely disagree with her suggestion that boys need ‘more fathers’ and that it is inevitable that they will grow up to be a ‘toxic man’.
I think when boys, as well as girls, are surrounded by inspiring, well-rounded role models, there is no reason for sweeping statements like ‘all the talk around boys is toxic from all sides’. We are kicking them before they even fall and this will only make the gender divide even worse.
“In fact, as a mother of boys, I find this completely harmful. I attended an all-girls school until I was 16 and my career has been in a 90% female environment since I was 21 – believe me, women can be so ‘toxic’ .
Also, raise your hand if you are a girl (like me) and you still kicked, bit, fought with your father and sister and also had to ‘put it out to burn energy’ like a ‘dog’. Yes, they exist!
How about we try to treat boys like we treat girls – inspire them, support them, let them dream, let them cry, let them fight, but most importantly love them.”
She said: “I think what boys really need is a lot more emotional nurturing and, talking about their feelings, parents need to see boys as totally complex emotional creatures and really try to nurture that side of them.”
In her book, the journalist reveals that she believes that changing the way we raise children is “one of society’s most urgent cultural projects”.
It also looks at how young men are more susceptible to radicalization than young women.
Explaining how she chose the book’s title, Ruth said: “It captures this tension, there’s conflict built into it, the idea that a woman gives birth to a child who is fundamentally different to herself – it brings together a lot of different sexist tropes in one little book. word.”
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