We are “one and done” mothers – it’s not selfish, we want to preserve our appearance, protect our pockets and our only children

Sitting poolside watching her daughter Roxy soak up the Spanish sun, Carrie Ann Booth couldn’t be happier.

It’s not just that she has the money to pay for holidays – it’s being able to afford swimming lessons for eight-year-old Roxy, who is now confident in the water.

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But Carrie Ann42 years old, from Carlisle, not rich.

She can only afford these luxuries because she is part of the growing number of “single mothers” – the term for women who decide to quit after just one child.

“If we had more kids, Roxy just wouldn’t have the best of everything,” says Carrie Ann.

“I grew up in a council house, where I ended up doing my homework by candlelight and wearing layers of sweaters because there wasn’t enough money to pay the gas and electricity bills.

“Sometimes the only meal I had was the free school dinner. I am determined that Roxy does not suffer like I did.”

Carrie Ann now says she’s afraid of compromising Roxy’s quality of life by adding to her brood.

“I’m just as scared of getting pregnant now as I was when I was a teenager,” she says. “I take my pill religiously and if I got pregnant I would consider stopping it.”

And she’s far from the only one who doesn’t want more than one child.

According to the latest figures, there were an estimated 3.7 million single-child families in Britain in 2023, compared with 3.2 million 20 years ago.

This represents a 16% jump in just two decades. In contrast, there are currently 3.38 million families with two children and only 1.18 million with three or more children.

Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson, from the Women’s Budget Group, says: “It’s not surprising that women are choosing to have fewer children, as times are really tough for young families.

“We have incredibly high housing costs and some of the most expensive child care in the world. Maternity pay is lower than the national living wage and the cost of living crisis is also having an impact.”

Childcare currently costs an average of £263 per week and after-school clubs cost £62 per week.

For Carrie Ann, who runs The Science Booth, a science entertainment company for children, and whose husband Gary, 42, is a dog walker and animal portraitist, having more children would not be affordable.

“We have a three-bedroom bungalow and one bedroom is used as an office,” she says.

“We’re not rich – we shop at Aldi and rarely go out. We are Mr. and Mrs. Average, no fancy cars, so we can make sure Roxy has everything she needs.

‘People insinuate it’s selfish’

“But she’s not spoiled. She gets £3 in pocket money a week and we don’t shell out for designer sneakers or anything like that.

“The other day I went into Roxy’s room and I was very happy because she has a lot of space.

“There’s plenty of space for her clothes, toys and books and she even has a television.

“It’s everything I dreamed of when I was younger. But if we added another child, they would need bunk beds and there wouldn’t be room for two tables. And we couldn’t afford to move.”

People ask when we’re going to give Roxy a sibling and imply that it’s selfish to have an only child, which makes me nervous

Carrie Ann

Carrie Ann feels that mothers like her are sometimes judged for only having one child.

“People ask when we’re going to give Roxy a sibling and imply that it’s selfish to have an only child, which makes me nervous,” she says.

“Roxy is happy and would definitely miss out on a lot of things if she had a brother.

“At the moment she takes keyboard and swimming lessons, and goes to Brownies and the drama club.

“In total this costs around £600 per term.”

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Carrie Ann also feels that another child could disrupt the harmony of her home. “We have very little stress,” she says.

“Roxy has always slept well and never bothers us, so we have lots of time for each other. This means I don’t have that tired, haggard look that so many mothers develop when they are so exhausted.”

It’s not just financial pressure that makes women decide to keep a child.

Raquel Lucas, 35, from Gloucester, planned to have two children when she married Richard, 36, who is in the RAF. But she changed her mind during her pregnancy with Grayson, now five.

Rachel, who runs an organic marketing company, says: “I was exhausted and I remember thinking that if I got pregnant again I would have to look after a small child when I was so tired.

“Afterwards, when I had him, I felt such an overwhelming love that I wanted to give him everything and not have to divide it between two children.

“When Grayson was 11 months old, he had a seizure and had to stay in the hospital for two days.

“We could both be at his bedside without worrying about who would take care of another child at home.

“We live miles away from family, but Grayson will stay with Richard’s parents for half the holidays so we can focus on our careers.

“They couldn’t handle two.”

Having a child also allows the couple to pursue their favorite hobbies.

“Richard loves miniature wargaming and I do aerial acrobatics and pole dancing,” she says. “The other day I did nine hours of stunts for a charity event.

“It is very unlikely that I will be able to escape for that long with another child.

“Because I can do that and then rest, I don’t feel tired, so I think I’ve maintained my youthful glow.”

“Likewise, if Richard or I have had a rough day at work, one of us can rest while the other plays with Grayson, so we don’t become resentful and irritated with each other.”

Rachel also insists that having a child is key to a successful relationship.

“After 12 years together, we are still terribly in love,” she says. “If Grayson is out or at a party, then we have time to be Richard and Rachel. Therefore, our relationship thrives.”

After 12 years together, we’re still terribly in love

Rachel

And while people often claim that “only children” are spoiled, Rachel says that’s simply not true.

“Grayson is good at sharing. He doesn’t have things stolen from him all the time by a brother, so he’s not possessive,” she says.

“And I don’t care if people think I’m selfish – I’d rather be a fabulous mom of one than an average mom of two.”

For Caroline Nicholson, 42, and her fiancé Lee Jones, 48, from South Shields, Tyne and Wear, the pressures of work and having a child later in life destroyed their dreams of having more children.

Part-time teaching assistant Caroline, mum to three-year-old Henry, says: “I always thought I would have a big family but we have come to terms with the fact that Henry is the only one.

“Lee and I didn’t meet until we were in our mid-thirties, so our home buying, having our baby and getting married are happening now.

“Weddings are expensive, especially if you’re juggling part-time work, a young child and rising interest rates.”

She and Lee, an accounting software specialist, are among a growing number of parents who find themselves torn between having more children and surviving financially.

“I look around and see more and more mothers with just one child and I know I’m not alone,” says Caroline. “It’s tragic that more couples like us only have one child.”

Caroline feels the stack is stacked against mothers who are desperate to get back to work.

“When women return to full-time work, especially in their early thirties, they find themselves playing catch-up in their careers,” she says. “Lee and I need our income to survive.

“There are times when people also look at you strangely. They assume you can’t have children anymore and this can lead to awkward conversations.

“But Lee and I are the faces of so many families across Britain whose life decisions, in 2024, mean we have had to accept that we are ‘one and done’.”

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