I’m refusing to invite my in-laws to my son’s first birthday – I’m not being unreasonable, they always ruin the party

A mum has revealed how she’s refusing to invite her in-laws to her son’s first birthday party – and she doesn’t think she’s being unreasonable.

And despite putting her parents in an “uncomfortable position”, she is aware that the family is ruining the birthday party.

The mother, who is anonymous, accessed the online forum Mothers Network ask others for advice.

She wrote: “Our son will be one in a few months and we will have a birthday party.

“My husband’s brother has a partner who he has been with for eight or nine years on and off and they have an eight-year-old daughter, they both have children from other relationships.

“BIL (brother-in-law) also has a one-night-old son who was born a few years ago and who she only discovered recently.

“Both my husband and I feel we don’t want to invite her as she has a very serious alcohol problem and is known for getting very rowdy when drinking and can get quite aggressive.

“She has hit people in the past and was attentive.

“We also don’t want to be in an uncomfortable position where she starts asking questions about the twins’ mother, etc.”

The mother explained that they only recently discovered that she was asking questions about the twins’ mother.

She continues: “From what we understand, it is no longer a serious relationship and they live separately anyway, but she told BIL that she hopes to be invited to the party, considering our children are our cousins.”

The mother went on to explain how the situation made her feel.

She said: “We feel she just wants to come and see if this new child’s mother is present and cause trouble.

“We are not close at all and I have only met her a few times and when her children have parties she doesn’t invite me, but she invites my husband.

She has glassed people in the past and has been on the tag

anonymous mother

“We are sending out the invitations this weekend.”

The mother then continued to go into detail about her son’s birthday party.

She explained that the birthday party will be at their house with a bouncy castle there, along with all the cousins.

The mother continued to write: “BIL has an eight-year-old son with his partner and twin sons with a one-night stand who is also his long-time friend.

“Both mothers hope to attend and know we are going to have a party.

“BIL’s partner made it very clear that if she sees OM (another woman) she will ‘knock her out’.

“BIL really wants all of his children to bond with our son and for the twins to also be recognized as family.

“The two mothers are not willing to let their children attend with just their father, GO is a nicer person and makes an effort.

“Yes, it’s BIL’s problem, but he’s making my husband quite stressed about the whole situation while trying to keep his partner happy while they work on the relationship.”

She asked other Mumsnet users if she was being “irrational in not inviting her”.

One suggested: “That sounds like BIL’s problem, not yours. Invite him and the children. Baby mamas were not invited. If he’s sad about it, it’s his fault.”

To which the mother replied: “Yes, that’s what we thought, just to invite the children, but it is causing a lot of problems for BIL, as both mothers hope to attend”.

Another added: “No. You don’t invite people to a one-year-old’s birthday party who can’t be trusted to behave appropriately.

“Don’t even worry about maintaining that position.

“Start your boundaries strong now as it will become impossible later and as your DC (darling child) grows and family occasions become more frequent.”

Another person said: “I would say either your BIL brings the kids without either of their mothers, or none of them are invited.

“Because you don’t want a Jeremy Kyle-style fight at your son’s first birthday party.”