I had surgery to become a man but regretted it, so I went back to being a woman five years later – now my body is ruined

SINEAD WATSON is an intelligent, good-natured woman who speaks her mind and has a permanent twinkle in her eye.

But just over a decade ago, 33-year-old Sinead temporarily became Sean, a moody, angry trans man.

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In her 20s, feeling desperately unhappy and suffering trauma from serious sexual assaults by men, she discovered trans communities online.

Sinead became convinced that all her problems would disappear if she underwent sex reassignment treatment.

Then, aged 23 – having presented as “gender dysphoric” at the Sandyford Gender Clinic in Glasgow – Sinead managed to transition into a trans man with little resistance.

But five years after her first appointment, she “deeply regretted” her decision and, at age 27, began living as a woman again.

Today, Sinead feels permanent pain and discomfort from taking the male hormone testosterone and has scars where her breasts used to be.

She has lived in a homeless shelter for six months, after the break-up of a three-year relationship, and has struggled with alcoholism.

Sinead told me: “I’m currently single. My relationship was in shambles because I couldn’t deal with all the trauma in my life.”

Sinead is angry at Sandyford professionals, who she claims led her to believe she could escape her female body.

She says: “Now I have to live with the many permanent consequences of the ‘treatment’ I received there.

“I realized I made a terrible mistake when I woke up after my double mastectomy.

“At that point I already had a beard and my voice was deeper because of the testosterone I took. I felt like there was no going back.”

Sinead now understands that she actually suffered from body dysphoria.

She explains: “When I was seen by gender clinicians, I was allowed to make a monumental, life-changing decision, but I was not offered in-depth counseling. Instead, I was effectively left to self-diagnose.

“What I clearly needed was therapy. I was a victim of sexual abuse and I told them, ‘I just got out of the mental hospital. I was suicidal. I have all these problems.’

“What they should have said is, ‘Let’s talk about how you got there.’

“But they didn’t ask me questions about my history of trauma and abuse.

“If they had told me, ‘You’ve had some terrible experiences related to men sexualizing you because of your breasts, but there’s nothing wrong with them,’ maybe I wouldn’t have felt the need to cut them off.”

Instead, they affirmed Sinead immediately at her first appointment, calling her name to see the doctor: “He’s ready for you, Mr. Watson.”

Sinead was determined to pursue her transition goal.

For example, when asked about being admitted to a psychiatric unit in 2014, she said it was because she was depressed that she hadn’t transitioned yet, which was a lie.

Her voice shaking with emotion, she says, “It was their job to thoroughly examine what was going on in my life that led to serious breakdowns and suicide attempts.”

Sinead was given leaflets listing the side effects of testosterone and was asked how long she had been living as a man (the requirement is two years before cross-sex hormones can be prescribed).

She says, “I told them two years and they just took my word for it.”

Self-diagnosis

Just five months later, Sinead received her first dose of testosterone, which causes physical changes including a deeper voice, scalp hair loss and an increase in body and facial hair.

After two years of taking hormones, Sinead opted to have a double mastectomy in July 2017.

Before the surgery she was warned that she could lose sensation completely and that her nipples could fall out.

Afterwards, she says: “I woke up and I had already removed my breasts. It wasn’t how I thought it would be.

“I thought I would wake up and feel amazing. But I can’t explain what it’s like to have no sensation in your chest.

“I was in so much pain I couldn’t even go to the bathroom on my own.”

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After Sinead broke down in front of her GP, she was finally referred to a therapist.

She says: “When I said I regretted my transition, they suggested that maybe I was non-binary. It was dizzying.

“I felt ready to kill myself. But I couldn’t put my loved ones through this anymore, so I decided to go online and find other non-transitioning women.

“I found a surprisingly large number of them. And then they told me their stories.

“I basically went from terribly depressed and suicidal to very, very angry.”

Most of the detransitioners Sinead is in contact with are in their early 20s.

What I clearly needed was therapy… but they didn’t ask any questions about my history of trauma and abuse

Sinead Watson

She says: “When they started talking about it on trans forums and said they thought they had made a terrible mistake, they were told: ‘That’s normal, you’ll get over it’.”

But in light of last month’s damning report into the practices of the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) at London’s Tavistock NHS Trust, NHS Scotland has announced that it will suspend giving puberty blockers to children.

When Dr Hilary Cass’ team asked Sinead about her treatment at Sandyford, they were shocked to learn how quickly she was given testosterone and asked about its permanent effects.

She says: “Sex is very painful for me. I have chronic joint pain and need to take estrogen to combat it. I have absolutely no sensation in my chest. I am furious to discover that, in response to the announcement about the suspension of puberty blockers in Scotland, there are still some private doctors advertising online.

“They’re saying, ‘If you can’t get puberty blockers through the gender clinic, we can send them to you.’”

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I ask Sinead what she proposes the Government do in light of the Cass Review which states that children have been let down.

She says: “I want our Prime Minister to speak out and condemn what was done to young people in these clinics.”

Life has been difficult since Sinead decided to speak out.

She has received a barrage of abuse from trans activists who believe she has betrayed the community.

She admits: “If I had known at the time the abuse I would receive, I would never have renounced my anonymity. But I will do what I can to end this terrible mistreatment of vulnerable young people.”

Sinead points to the many women who use online crowdfunding pages to raise money for their “top surgery”.

Terrible mistreatment

She says: “My body is ruined and I receive little sympathy and support, so why are money and resources being invested in funds and services to do the same for other women?”

Despite everything, Sinead is still optimistic that the closure of GIDS could mean the end of other gender clinics such as Sandyford.

Determined, she states: “Children are being harmed. Each time these locations are investigated, horrific information is revealed. The public cannot remain ignorant forever.

“Sandyford and all gender clinics should be closed before more lives are destroyed.”

When Sinead split from her boyfriend at the end of last year, she says she was left with “no self-esteem and no money”.

But now she says her future “looks brighter.”

She has been accepted for universal credit so can now buy food and has been offered a flat.

She says: “It was really scary for a while, but I can have hot meals, which is good.

“In terms of the future, I would love to meet The One.

“And I have over a decade of customer service experience, so I crossed my fingers.

“The last few years have been hell, but I’m getting over it.”