SWINGING from chandeliers has been replaced by awkward silence in millions of British bedrooms.
And you might be surprised to learn that it’s men who face a sexual crisis.
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In the latest British Medical Journal survey, 60% of men said they were dissatisfied with their sex lives.
More than half of them have had erectile dysfunction, while this month 22% of young people admitted they would be more willing to give up sex than time on the phone.
“Men’s sex lives face unprecedented challenges,” says Sarah Mulindwa, sexual health expert and presenter of Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic.
“The picture is fraught with issues such as the rise in porn consumption, as half of men in Britain watch porn regularly, confidence setbacks and the rise in erectile dysfunction.
“Even the excessive use of social networks is harmful, as they lose the ability to connect.
“These factors collectively contribute to a decline in overall sexual satisfaction among men that appears not to have affected women in the same way.”
If you’re in a relationship and regularly hit the sheets, you might think your other half is satisfied.
But have you ever wondered what they think?
Here, Nikki Watkins talks to five men who are married or in long-term relationships about their sexual relationships, and Sarah offers her advice.
MY WIFE DOESN’T SEEM TO LIKE ME NOW I’M OVER 50
LAURENCE, aged 56, from South London, said: “My wife and I have a lovely relationship.
“We had children in their early 20s, but now they have grown up and flown the nest.
“During the kids era of our relationship, things were very hectic and our sex life went from three times a week before kids to once every fortnight.
“But, crucially, the sex was still amazing.
“We liked each other, she always had an orgasm and it was fun.
“But now, when sex should be more frequent, as we have the house to ourselves again, sex has basically stopped.
No one wants to feel rejected between the sheets. I’ve never felt so fed up with my love life
Laurence
“We’re doing this every few months, and I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore now that I’m older.
“When we get intimate, her heart isn’t in it.
“I initiate sex every week but she pushes me away and when we become intimate I can tell she can’t wait for it to be over.
“No one wants to feel rejected between the sheets. I have never felt so fed up with my love life.”
Sara says: “Feeling rejected by your lover in bed is sad, and when that happens you feel like your sex life is unsatisfactory.
“The first step should be to try to talk. I definitely suggest couples counseling – they can give some great tips for getting your sex life back to what it was.
PORN MAKES SEX WITH MY GIRL LOOK BORING
BEN (name changed), 41, from Lancs, says: “I’ve been with my girlfriend for four years, I’m always the one in charge in bed.
“It turns her on for me to act dominant. Secretly, though, I fantasize about the situation being reversed.
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“I would love for her to be in charge, boss me around and treat me like a submissive weakling.
“In private, I watch a lot of pornography where men are ridiculed, teased and humiliated by women dressed in latex.
“My girlfriend just doesn’t have that commanding attitude, so I think she would freak out if she knew I was watching videos of guys getting whipped.
“I once suggested that she might try to hit me, but she thought I was joking.
“There was a story about a very submissive man on a show we were watching, and she commented that people could do whatever they wanted, but she would be turned off by a guy acting so ‘pathetic.’ My heart just sank.
“I’ve Googled ‘hire a dominatrix’ more times than I can count, but I still haven’t had the courage to go through with it because I know it would be the end of my relationship if my girlfriend found out.
“I love her, she’s smart, funny and stunning, but I increasingly worry that we are sexually incompatible.
“I don’t think I can live my whole life without exploring my ‘kinky’ side.”
Sara says: “The secrecy surrounding pornographic habits and desires for submission may be causing misery and damaging your relationship.
“It is essential that couples have open and honest conversations about their fantasies, so that they both have the opportunity to express their opinions.
“Keeping these desires hidden and seeking fulfillment elsewhere can ultimately lead to greater detachment and dissatisfaction and can potentially be the catalyst for the end of an otherwise great relationship.”
THE PRESSURE TO CONCEIVE RUINED SEX
IRFAN (name changed), 38, from Derbyshire, says: “My wife and I are trying to conceive our second child.
“I’m hating the process because sex used to feel spontaneous and natural.
“Now she uses a fertility tracking app to tell us when she’s most likely to get pregnant, and we have to jump straight into bed when her phone tells us.
“The pressure is immense, the romance is over and every month when my period comes I feel like a failure.
“I also hate that my in-laws now know so much about my love life.
The pressure is immense, the romance is over and every month when my period arrives I feel like a failure
Irfan
“My father-in-law makes jokes about how I must be ‘enjoying all the practice.’ It makes me want to die of embarrassment and I feel like another failure.
“Also, after we had our first child two years ago, it seems like she only cares about the child and doesn’t care about me.”
Sara says: “The pressure couples experience when trying to conceive can be overwhelming, but there are ways to alleviate it.
“Communication is key – express your feelings openly, highlighting that you are uncomfortable with her parents knowing the intricacies of the process!
“Find moments to reconnect outside of your fertility schedule.
“Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist who specializes in fertility issues to help deal with the emotional strain.
“Remember, you are not alone in feeling this pressure and it is important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.”
DISCONNECTED BY YOUR THEATRICAL ROOM
JACKSON (name changed), 27, from Manchester, says: “I really like my girlfriend and she is such a sweet, kind person.
Sex with her should be mind-blowing, but the problem is that she tries too hard. She always acts like she’s in a cheesy porn movie.
“During foreplay, she activates a cooing baby voice that has nothing to do with what she usually says.
“Then, when we’re actually making love, she acts exaggerated: panting, sighing, and panting really loudly.
Remember, it’s not just men’s lives affected by pornography, but women’s lives too
Sarah Mulindwa
“It feels so fake I can’t believe she’s actually having fun. I think she believes that’s what men want, but for me it’s making sex very tense.”
Sarah says: “Having someone who wants to make you happy in bed is such a beautiful thing, there is every chance in this situation that this man is ruining sex for himself unnecessarily.
“Remember, it’s not just men’s lives that are affected by pornography, but women’s lives as well.
“A sixth of women in the UK watch pornography regularly and overall the UK has the second highest number of internet pornography searches in the world.
“Maybe this lady is simply having fun or maybe she feels the need to perform, but all you and men across the UK need to do is talk.
“Lack of conversation is a toxic habit that can end relationships.”
I CANNOT ADD WITH MY WIFE
MATT, 42, from Aberdeenshire, says: “Sex has been nothing but stress for me over the past year.
“I went through a difficult time after my father died, and my doctor prescribed a type of antidepressant called an SSRI to help with my bad mood.
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“The medication was helpful, but I was not warned that one of the possible side effects for men is difficulty ejaculating.
“This happened to me and it was a nightmare.
“At first my wife of 13 years was lovely about it, but as the problem continued she mistakenly began to worry that I wasn’t ejaculating because I didn’t find her attractive.
“On more than one occasion she ended up crying in the bathroom, blaming herself. We were both sore, tired and sad.
“I looked for help online and found that men got relief by changing their antidepressants or adjusting the dose.
I’m talking to my doctor about this. I just wish I had known sooner as it made my sex life stressful and unfulfilling.”
Sara says: “Around 11.7 million men in the UK say they have had difficulties with sex, and one in eight have had problems every time.
“Impotence occurs when you are unable to achieve an erection, maintain it, or are unable to ejaculate consistently.
“Rates of impotence have doubled in the last 25 years, with up to half of men under 50 suffering from erectile dysfunction, according to a recent report.
“This is clearly damaging the confidence of affected men, along with their sex lives.
“But the positive side is that it can often be resolved easily after a conversation with your GP.”
TIPS TO RETURN THE MAGIC
Channel 4 sex expert Sarah Mulindwa offers tips to revitalize your sex life with your man.
She says: “Are you experiencing a decline in your sex life?
“For women, fluctuations in libido are common, especially after childbirth or during menopause.
“Contrary to the belief that men think about sex 19 times a day – it is important to note that men also go through periods of reduced sexual desire or anxiety.
“In long-term relationships, there are essential steps to take to ensure a full and healthy sex life.
“This includes open communication about your desires and concerns, prioritizing intimacy through quality time together, exploring new experiences in the bedroom, focusing on foreplay, addressing underlying issues that affect intimacy, practicing self-care, and nurturing emotional connection. .
“By implementing these strategies, couples are able to revitalize their sex life and strengthen their relationship.”
This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
