I’m devastated – my husband has been having an affair with his cousin for years

DEAR DEIDRE: I recently discovered that my husband has been having an affair for years with his cousin.

We are in our late fifties and have been married for 20 years. We have two adult children.

I thought we were happy, but last week I came home from work and saw a note from him.

All he told me was that he couldn’t live a lie any longer and he was leaving.

In shock, I called my mother-in-law, who was crying on the phone.

She said he had been sleeping with his cousin for years and that she only found out that morning when he shared his plan to move in with another woman. I was mortified and embarrassed.

My husband has always been close to his family – especially this cousin, who is the same age as us.

I always found their relationship a little strange and sometimes disturbing.

They used to dine regularly at fancy restaurants and he always sought her out at family gatherings. I got home from work and found them alone in our house.

I had questioned this a few times, but my husband always insisted that she was like a sister to him, as her father passed away when she was just five years old.

There’s even a family photo on my mother-in-law’s fireplace and his cousin is in the children’s center.

I’m struggling to accept how he could leave me and our children, who are young adults but still live at home, for her.

His family has been very supportive as they feel embarrassed, but at the end of the day he is still their family.

I feel so lonely.

I can’t open up to his relatives, my parents died and I have no siblings.

My husband was my life and I have few friends.

DEIDRE SAYS: You will still be in shock after this devastating news.

So allow yourself the space to be kind to yourself.

Her husband disappointed her greatly by having this affair, and for so long.

But you know the truth now, and over time you can begin to accept this reality.

Please don’t bottle up these feelings. Talk to your friends, and if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, revealing your fears to a counselor would be extremely helpful.

Think about opening up to your children too. They will already know that something is seriously wrong.

Allow them to help you. They may already know and may have kept quiet to protect you.

My Mend Your Broken Heart support pack explains where you can get counseling help and how you can pick up the pieces.