It took five minutes for Ellie Parrott to realize that the stranger she was talking to was the right person for her.
But she wasn’t chatting with Mike Wickham on a dating app. The pair were on a speed dating night in Islington, north London.
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The pre-school worker signed up for singles night in February 2022, paying £22 for a ticket, after splitting from her long-term boyfriend.
Mike, 39, who works in media, had been out of the dating scene for some time but decided to give the event a try.
Ellie, 28, says: “I recently got out of a long-term relationship and the idea of meeting men on apps filled me with dread.
“I heard Horror stories from friends and I knew it wasn’t for me. Speed dating felt more sociable and fun.
“Mike was boyfriend number 12 and I immediately found him very attractive.
“It turned out we had a lot in common, like a shared passion for travel, and he came from the same street as me.
“Within five minutes, I knew we were equals.”
After going to a nightclub, they ended up on the dance floor together and the rest is history.
“We’ve been a couple for over two years and we’ve been talking about moving in together,” says Ellie.
“I could have spent hours using apps, so I feel very lucky to have met Mike in person.
“You can’t help but feel that immediate physical spark.”
Once hailed as the modern way to find true love, digital dating is increasingly losing its appeal.
Last year, just a quarter of women aged 18 to 34 used a dating app, compared to half of men, according to research firm Mintel.
‘Single people are tired’
Shares of Match Group, owner of Tinder and Hinge, have plummeted more than 80% since 2021.
And this week, a survey by online dating app Bumble found that 70% of female users are suffering from app “burnout.”
It’s easy to see why. Dating apps once promised single women unlimited access pool of potential matches, with smart algorithms sending “the one” straight to your phone.
But even former Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd admitted that these apps are “essentially full of people hurting other people.”
Research says that marriages forged through apps are less likely to last long than non-digital marriages.
Katie McNamara, 28, host of the Single Sounds podcast, says people her age are looking for alternatives.
Last year it held two in-person singles nights in London for 140 men and women, with another on Valentine’s Day this year.
“It’s been a lot more popular than I expected,” she says.
“Loneliness is a huge epidemic and single people are tired of online dating and the hours wasted on it.
“These events bring you together with like-minded singles looking to find love.
“Many are no longer on the apps. They want a more organic experience of meeting someone.”
She believes that the business model of dating apps – which is about retaining customers rather than forming lasting partnerships – is the problem.
“The whole mission of these companies is to keep you connected,” says Katie.
“Even if you don’t meet a romantic partner at a dating event, you can connect with a new single friend for fun. It never feels like a wasted night.”
It’s not just pre-internet generations who look for love in person at events like singles nights.
More than 90% of Gen Z feels frustrated with dating apps, according to youth research agency Savanta.
Brigid Hayward, founder of Catalyst Matchmaking, isn’t surprised by the apps’ growing apathy.
The dating world is difficult and I’m happy to help smooth things out
Brígida
“Women tell me they are tired of using technology to find love,” she says. “They are fed up with the lies, with married men who just want a mistress, with high expectations.
“It seems like the more connected we are through technology, the harder it is to make real connections.”
Brigid, based in Norwich, caters for clients aged 30 to 75 and brings them together for dinners.
She started her business after years of establishing friends, with three couples she featured getting married.
“The dating world is difficult and I’m happy to help smooth things over,” she says.
“When I organize an event, the golden rule is that they speak to all participants, to give them a chance.
“I put a fact, like their favorite movie, on their badge.
“Jobs and divorces are off limits. I also tell people, ‘Don’t think, feel.’
“Apps give you too much chance to overthink whether someone might be a match rather than going with your gut.”
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WHERE TO FIND LOVE IN REAL LIFE
DONE with dating apps and still looking for love? According to dating coach Hayley Quinn, there are many ways to find The One away from her phone.
She tells Kirsten Jones five places to meet the man of your dreams in real life.
TAKE A DANCE CLASS: Believe me, the vast majority of men who practice salsa aren’t just there to improve their moves.
Partner dancing is a brilliant way to meet the opposite sex as classes are everywhere and each dance is like a mini date. Forget speed dating, don’t you want to know how this guy moves?
GET YOUR LUGGAGE: On vacation, people are more relaxed and open to talking.
Even if you can’t access the airport lounge during your break, try to start a conversation with the guy sitting next to you on the plane.
Or better yet, pretend like you need help lifting your bags and meeting your knight in shining armor.
FIND A CO-WORKING CAFE: Hybrid working has meant that some traditional post-work drink options are dead.
Shift your focus to the day and find a cool coffee shop that people use on remote work days. Ask a guy to watch your notepad while you get another espresso.
TURN YOUR HEAD AT THE GYM: If you want a healthy morsel, ditch your yoga class for a weight training session.
And of course, you’ll want to ask him to watch you press on his chest.
TAKE THE TRAIN: If you see a handsome stranger on your train ride, write down his number the old-fashioned way. At the very least, it will liven up your commute.
EYE CONTACT WAS INTENSE AT SPEED DATE
FORMER dating app devotee Lucy Weston, 46, from Crystal PalaceSouth London tried speed dating to see if face-to-face flirting could lead to love.
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She says, “I FEEL like I’ve been internet dating since the beginning of time. From OKCupid in 2010 to the arrival of Tinder, I tried them all and swiping became a habit whenever my hands were free.
It was fun and I met amazing people. . . as well as some weird ones.
But although apps offer a lot of options, you need to work hard. Constant and monotonous scrolling. Repetitive “getting to know you” conversations.
When I tried to jump to the first date stage more quickly, I missed out on nights with men that I was already done with when the starters arrived.
But with the emergence of more in-person dating events, it was time to try a new approach.
The options were varied – dinners, comedy nights and get-togethers involving magic or board games.
But speed dating would allow me to talk to several potential suitors in the time it would take to have one disastrous date, so I went for it.
I kept my expectations low as I headed to a pub event on a Saturday night, especially as my ticket was just a tenner.
There were 20 women and 20 men, most aged between 35 and 55 years old. When I studied the bar, it was full of men I normally wouldn’t look twice at.
“I might as well be on my couch in my pajamas, swiping left,” I thought, feeling a little dejected.
The organizer explained the format – five minutes per match and then you register possible matches on the website – and we started.
My first date was the antithesis of what I like and the conversation was cut short.
But the next The guy was very jovial and asked each woman for a number for her lottery ticket.
He wasn’t someone I would date, but he made me laugh.
As the night went on, I realized I was enjoying being around other single people. One guy, who was charming, told me he spent the whole night waiting to get to my table.
I would have considered seeing him again if he wasn’t over sixty. After almost two hours, my final appointment was scheduled.
He wasn’t my usual type, but he was cute. His eye contact was intense and when the whistle blew, we continued talking, getting another drink.
We exchanged numbers before saying goodbye. I wasn’t expecting much of a result, but it made me appreciate the beauty of physical encounters.
On an app, I would have swiped left because you make rash decisions based on a few photos and a bad bio.
My quick boyfriend got in touch, but I knew he wasn’t for me and I politely declined.
I haven’t found love, but my heart is full – all thanks to the simple joy7 of meeting new people.”
This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
