I’m older and fatter than ever, but dating at 43 is so much better than at 20 – men do my plumbing and have so much more money

ON TikTok, things look bleak for young women.

Some began posting videos crying about the state of dating apps while complaining about terrible romantic experiences.

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But for me, at 43, things look surprisingly rosy.

I discovered a secret — that the problem with dating wasn’t me, or evil dating apps, but that your twenties and thirties are the hardest times to find love.

Trust me, dating in your forties is the best time to do it.

I hadn’t planned on staying single.

At thirty I fell in love with a man with whom I had my most serious relationship. We got engaged, planned to get married and tried to start a family.

All of this fell apart during Covid. And when I found myself facing 40 years alone, I had a premonition of my 65-year-old self with 70 cats — and I started to panic. But coming back to dating in my forties, I’ve been surprised by how much I’m enjoying it.

I found this liberating. The pressure I felt to meet The One—which made dating in my thirties fraught with panic as wedding invitations from friends piled up and I wondered if a man would ever commit—evaporated.

Now, I’m not looking for a husband and I know I don’t want kids, so I’m not trying to find someone to have my kids with.

That pressure to find “husband material” or a “good father” is gone. Instead, I’m having fun dating eccentric bikers and artists.

I’ve also noticed that many of my colleagues are separating and divorcing, so I no longer feel “behind” – I feel satisfied that I’ve had all this freedom and none of the drudgery of being a stay-at-home mom.

When I used dating apps in my early twenties, I got burned over and over again – dating men whose idea of ​​romance was taking me to a park with a six-pack of beer or telling me it was love all the way to bed, only to ghost me later .

Now, I trust my instincts.

Years of learning how to read people have made me more confident in filtering out bad matches.

Like the man who declared his love for misogynistic pin-up and social media star Andrew Tate. Or the one who shares Covid conspiracies. Now, in my forties, I feel more confident in my appearance.

I may be the oldest and fattest I’ve ever been, but I’m finally comfortable with my body.

In my early twenties, I berated myself for not looking like Kate Moss. I starved myself, tried every crash diet, detox, or diet pill, and went on dates while starving and embarrassed.

Now, I’m kinder to myself about my curvy figure.

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I ignored the red flags

I tell myself that what I lack in wrinkle-free skin I can make up for by talking and that I have gained crow’s feet from laughing so much.

Now, I’ve found my voice and I’m not nervous about setting limits, telling dates when I’m uncomfortable, or asking for what I want.

I have a basic list of dresses that I know will look good, and I’m also confident in what else I can offer.

At forty, I’ve achieved so much more than I did at twenty – I’ve taken time to build strong friendships and have a beautiful home, a passion for life and an interesting career.

Now that I can bring all of this to the table, I worry less about my dinner date judging me if I order a burger.

In my twenties, I felt vulnerable going on dates — I worried about rejection, whether dates would find me attractive, or what I would do if I didn’t like them.

I was so embarrassed that I ignored the men waving red flags and found myself in all kinds of compromising positions.

I’ve now found my voice and I’m not nervous about setting boundaries, setting dates when I’m uncomfortable, or asking for what I want — in and out of bed.

If a boyfriend does something I don’t like, I won’t hesitate to speak up. I’m not worried about politely recounting a date. I don’t think there’s any chemistry, which I kindly did in a message the other day. I learned that life is too short to be wasted on bad men.

Plus, dating men in their forties and fifties has proven to be a revelation. I think we all grow up.

I’ve found that older men are more accepting, open to my flaws and yours. As someone recently said, “Now, we all have baggage.”

Most single people in their forties are post-divorce or have children or commitment issues. Perhaps because of this, I have found that older men are kinder.

Their libidos are also decreasing, so they are interested in more than sex. Or maybe fatherhood has changed them.

But I’ve found they’re more understanding if I have to cancel a date or if I’m having a bad day.

They don’t blush at the thought of buying Tampax, they’re interested in what I want in bed, and they’re also empathetic enough to not ghost.

They learned that true romantic gestures are not grandiose, like proposing in Paris but fixing my broken shower.

They are also less arrogant than they were in their twenties.

I’ve found that men in their fifties are open about their own vulnerability and nervousness, which many men feel when dating after divorce.

As a boyfriend told me, “I haven’t needed to talk to someone in 20 years.”

There are also other advantages to being older.

In my thirties, I went out with men who couldn’t afford dinner because they spent all their money going out with their friends.

Now, the men I know tend to be financially solid and more generous, or they just don’t waste all their money looking like shit anymore. So when I told a man I liked theater, he found a good show and bought us tickets.

Mostly, dating in your forties feels much lighter and more honest. There’s none of that nonsense about playing hard to get that haunted our twenties.

My life is full of art, love, travel, nights out and interesting conversations

Now, instead of pretending to want something casual, I find men openly saying they are looking for love. And I can say that too, without worrying.

What strikes What it tells me about girls on TikTok is how desperate they seem to find The One and how afraid they are of being alone. For me, dating now is like it was when I was a teenager — but it’s also better.

And what has made it so much easier is that I already love my full life, enjoy my own company and have a rich circle of close friends.

My life is full of art, love, travel, nights out and interesting conversations.

If a man appears, I suppose it would be Cool.

But now the idea of ​​being 65 and alone, with 70 cats, isn’t so scary.

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