Our relationships are in tatters, juggling end of term, holiday management and work – take our quiz to see if you could be at risk

FRAZZLED mother of two Katy-Rose Meaney puts her kids to bed.

So instead of sneaking up to her husband for a kiss and hug on the couch, she sneaks off to to sleepalone.

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Mentally exhausted from meeting the demands of her children’s school calendar, as well as preparing for the six-week summer vacation, Katy – like many mothers – is close to breaking point.

And so does her relationship with her husband of nine years, Nathan, 33.

According to psychologists, this time of year is the most common time for couples to experience relationship burnout – with both parties feeling exhausted, disengaged, disconnected, unmotivated and irritable.

“To forget summer love, there was no chance of that in months,” says Katy, 38.

“And no one in sight next six to eight weeks.

“Every night for weeks I’ve had to buy, reserve, order or plan something for the kids at the end of school, so there’s no chance of a cozy night in with a bottle of soda. wine cuddled up on the couch.

“Lighter nights and relaxing the school day before it starts holidaysIt means there’s no bedtime routine, so we also don’t have a quality nighttime schedule after the kids go to bed.

“No rosé in the garden and no summer kisses.

“When they finally fall asleep, I will pass out too. Our relationship has fallen down our list of priorities and we are fighting more and more.

“Our intimate relationship is in pieces because when I fall into bed, exhausted, the last thing I think about is marital relations.”

Psychologist Emma Kenny says: “Relationship burnout at this time of year is very common. In fact, the last Monday in September, after couples have spent the summer limping together, is the most common day for Brits to decide on a wedding. divorceaccording to a new study.

“This goes against the conventional wisdom that it is the first working Monday in January.

“O psychology The underlying reason for this is that although summer is supposed to be fun, it brings a lot of stress to organizing parents, which can put a strain on relationships.

“The pressure of the amount of work required to prepare for the end of school, juggle childcare for the six-week holiday and holiday preparations can seem like too much for one person.

“It seems like the entire universe’s schedule is packed in the last few weeks of the school year.

“Added to this is the financial stress of paying for school holiday plans and a huge amount of pressure on social media to look like you’re having the best summer ever.

“These factors combined mean that your relationship often falls to the bottom of the priority list and burnout sets in. It refers to feelings of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion that leave you with feelings of disengagement from the person you share your life with.

“It is the result of excessive involvement in emotionally demanding responsibilities.

‘Military precision’

“Signs might include that you’re fighting with each other more, not having as much sex, or any at all, and romance seems to have taken an extended summer vacation without you.”

For Katy, from Wolverhampton, the mental toll of George, seven, and five-year-old Charlotte’s last term at school pushed her to the limit.

“Nathan is what would traditionally be called ‘the breadwinner,’ so all summer administration related to the kids falls to me,” she says.

“We are now heading into the final phase of the school year – the last few weeks have been chaos of juggling, wrapping things up at work and being available for parents’ evenings, sports days, school stays and games, awards assemblies and class transition, not to mention PTA commitments.

“There’s the school play, the costume that needs to be arranged in advance for the play, and the last-minute days with non-school uniforms thrown into the mix just to perplex me all over again.

“Each of these engagements requires military precision, so that none of the balls I’m handling fall.”

Reflecting on their roles – Katy is a full-time mother and freelance writer, while Nathan is an accounts manager – she adds: “I feel like I shouldn’t be bitter as he is working hard so we can pay the accounts. But sometimes I want a thank you for everything I do, which is a lot.

“It’s annoying that my job is off until September as I look after all the children whilst school is closed as he no longer has annual leave.

“Losing my income during the summer and having days to fill with activities puts additional financial pressure on the family.

“We are lucky to have a holiday to Cornwall planned for later this month, but packing is stressful, especially self-catering with young children, not to mention how unpredictable the British weather can be – all holiday managers are up to me.”

‘If my husband tries to initiate sex, I get mad at him. I’m seconds away from leaving

Lara

And it’s not just Katy who feels like this time of year is a real slog for their relationship.

In a study published in Social Psychology Quarterly, researchers found that one partner’s experience of burnout can rub off on the other partner—it’s a contagion that can spread.

Nathan says, “If Katy is disinterested, exhausted, not engaging with me because she’s so exhausted and stressed, I can’t help but feel that rub off on me.

“This should be a time of relaxation, but our relationship is empty and we lack the usual connection and romance.”

This experience is common at this time of year – with parents of school-age children suffering the most.

Forget summer love, there’s no chance of that in the next six to eight weeks

Katy-Rose Meaney

Lara*, a married mother of two from Glasgow, says: “The stress of this summer is weighing so heavily on me that I fantasize about walking away from what have been nine happy years. married.”

The customer service consultant, who has an 11-year-old and a four-year-old son with her 40-year-old husband, says: “I’m seconds away from walking out the door and not looking back.

“I would take both children with me as I might as well be a single mother anyway as I do most of the organizing.

“Our sex life has disappeared in the last two months. Even though we’ve been together for 12 years, married for nine, we’ve always had sex twice a week – now I can’t remember the last time we were intimate.

“I always liked him a lot, but that feeling is disappearing frighteningly quickly.

‘Breaking point’

“When I crawl into bed, if my husband tries to initiate sex, I get mad at him, but he can’t understand why I’m on edge.

“Any affectionate feelings towards him are fading as he leaves for The office to fulfill his peaceful nine-hour day, where he does exactly that: work.

“I also work nine to five, so why does all the childcare fall to me?

“My mother, who I trusted, says part of the problem is that I don’t delegate to him, but then I would have to explain everything jobs and that would be another job – and it wouldn’t be done properly.”

Emma Kenny says: “It’s essential for couples who feel this way to communicate and come up with a plan that leaves some downtime for just the two of you.

“Delegate tasks and responsibilities so that no one feels overwhelmed.

“No one has a perfect summer, and that’s okay. Focus on creating meaningful memories rather than Instagram-worthy moments.

“The simplest activities can bring you closer together and remind you why you are in this partnership.”

Lara adds: “I hope we don’t become a figure of separation in September, but my husband needs to start doing his part to make that happen.”

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