ELLIE Flloyd cheats on her loyal husband of 27 years once a week.
Here, with incredible honesty, she explains why.
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Scrolling through Mumsnet, I came across a thread about extramarital affairs.
The woman explained that she signed up because of her sexless marriage.
She was heavily insulted and told to end the marriage as there is never an excuse for cheating.
It’s a feeling I would have repeated throughout my 27-year marriage.
But this time I paused and read what she had to say, how the lack of intimacy made her feel only half alive, that she loved her husband but needed sex.
And I found myself shaking my head.
And now, a year later, I am also guilty of walking away from my devoted husband.
Last year I had three meetings with different men.
The third, I find myself every week, kissing my husband goodbye before I leave.
I also give my 24-year-old daughter Annie a hug and thank her for coming to give me a break on Wednesday.
They think I’m hanging out with my best friend or shopping.
So I leave the house with my usual mix of emotions – excitement and overwhelming guilt – to meet my lover.
Would my daughter be there if she knew what I was really doing?
I hope I never find out.
Lovely intimacy
My case is life-affirming and wonderful – it allowed me to stop taking antidepressants and blood pressure medication.
Now I feel happy again – sometimes.
The sex we have is passionate, but tender too. I suspect I’m falling in love and the feeling is mutual.
I never imagined I would be someone who would have an affair – at 51 I’m no femme fatale.
On the other hand, I never imagined that my beloved husband of 27 years would be worsening before my eyes with the cruel disease that is early-onset dementia.
I had no idea that being a caregiver would bring me to the brink of despair, that the lack of sex would leave me desolate.
It was something I took for granted throughout my marriage, not just the pleasure of the act but also that lovely intimacy afterward.
Richard, now 53, and I met through mutual friends.
I found him attractive immediately.
He was like a teddy bear, not overweight, but solid, with beautiful masculine hands.
Most of all, I liked his quick wit and emotional intelligence.
We were on the same page and I felt safe with him.
Within 18 months we were engaged and moved into our house on the outskirts of Bath, and a year later we had a big white wedding.
We were Mr. and Mrs. Average – but I felt blessed, I found my soulmate.
It was about seven years ago that I saw a change in Richard
Ellie
Our biggest obstacle was the difficulty conceiving during the first two years of our marriage.
But then we had Annie, quickly followed by Chloe, 22, and six years later a happy surprise, Becky.
She’s 16 now and it kills me that her father is disappearing during those precious years as she transitions into adulthood.
We have always had a healthy sex life, even during our early childhood years.
It was about seven years ago that I saw a change in Richard.
The kids started complaining about his driving and I realized he had hoarding tendencies.
We were doing an extension and needed to clean the attic and he wanted to grab everything.
He was usually completely unsentimental.
It reached its peak in 2019.
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He was fired from his job as an accountant after making some mistakes.
He didn’t tell me he was being investigated, he wanted to protect me and hoped it would go away.
That didn’t happen – and when we spoke, he admitted he felt confused.
At the same time I noticed a tremor in his hand.
We went to our family doctor, and in November of that year, he was diagnosed with early-onset dementia with Lewy bodies.
The shock was immense.
We both cried, lamenting the retirement we had planned while hiking in Europe.
Obsessive Googling revealed more and more bad news: the average life expectancy post-diagnosis is between five and eight years.
Its decline came in fits and starts.
He is now doubly incontinent.
He can walk, but he drags himself.
He cannot be left alone.
I can do my administrative work from home and we have carers who come three times a day.
But at night it’s up to me, including bathing him and changing his incontinence pants.
I do not envy him, though in my darkest moments I wish he had been taken away more quickly for his sake.
The only thing that gives him comfort is our cat Heitor who sits with him while he watches TV.
He can communicate.
I became depressed and my blood pressure skyrocketed because of the stress
Ellie
The niceties of life, like asking how I am, seem to be programmed, but he can’t hold a conversation.
Our kids have been amazing, as have friends and family.
But I felt desperately alone and scared.
I became depressed and my blood pressure skyrocketed because of the stress.
The medication helped, but I felt like I was struggling in the dark.
It was that thread on Mumsnet that set off a chain of events that made me feel alive again.
I spent a few weeks wrestling with my conscience before signing up for a dating site specifically for affairs called Illicit Encounters, and it took me a few more weeks before I started responding to messages.
The first man I met was lovely.
He and his wife had an open relationship – confirmed by her over the phone.
After a few weeks we met for coffee at a hotel.
We had agreed that if we liked each other, we would go further.
Unfortunately, he had erectile dysfunction – which caused my confidence to plummet.
But we became friends and I still keep in touch with him and his wife.
The second man was a one morning fling, again in a hotel near me, miles away from his home in Yorkshire.
We knew it would be an isolated case, but he made me laugh with his messages that we exchanged a month ago before we met.
I also told him a lot about my life. We discussed how I felt the need to take risks if we liked each other.
The night before I had a wobble and we talked on the phone.
He was so charming and made me feel at ease, so when we met I was glad he took the lead.
We had sex half an hour after we met and it was amazing.
I felt wanted and alive.
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We kissed goodbye and I will always remember him fondly.
My last man is local and takes care of his wife who has Huntington’s disease.
In fact, I knew her before.
I trusted him enough to meet at their house.
She goes to respite care every Wednesday, so we have a set day of the week to meet.
We agreed on a code word that if I wanted to have sex, I would say I wanted cake.
After a stroll through her garden, I excitedly mentioned the cake.
None of our houses have a so-called marriage bed anymore.
He has his own bed and I’ve also discovered that sex is fun in new places like the couch and the floor.
He’s attractive, but the greatest connection comes from understanding exactly what the other is going through.
He helped my life a lot.
Since we met in April, I have stopped taking all medications.
I love feeling attractive again, I love having sex regularly – I was too young for that part of my life to end.
I live in fear of being discovered and tormented by guilt. I can’t even think about my lover’s wife.
When it comes to my children, I think my older daughters can understand, but I suspect Becky would be devastated.
Like a child
Likewise, I like the fact that people have a good opinion of me – they think I’m some kind of saint and I fear that will disappear if they find out.
I particularly worry about my friends who have been betrayed.
I don’t know if they could separate this situation from a typical betrayal.
My best friend knows and assures me that what I’m doing is necessary.
But my poor husband can’t escape – why should I?
I hope people read my story and talk to their spouses before they get to that stage.
I wish we had had hypothetical conversations about this kind of situation when he was okay.
I’m sure he would have told me to do what I’m doing – he was kind, rational and wanted me to be happy.
I would want that for him.
It’s too late for these conversations.
He is like a child, possessive of my attention, without reasoning.
As for my extramarital relationship, neither of us would abandon our partners.
It would be treacherous, complicated and hurt a lot of people.
I love my husband and I want to be by his side.
Sometimes I daydream about one day being with my lover, but I would have to endure so much pain before that happens that I don’t know how it would work out in reality.
And I would need to be very attentive to the children.
Sometimes I think the older ones would love for me to bring a vibrant, happy person into the family.
For now, though, I need that escape – and I hope that if it ever happens, I won’t be judged too harshly.
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This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
