“You are bold, you are brilliant and you are beautiful.” Those are the words Ashley Graham used to solidify her status as the original queen of confidence when she spoke about the power of affirmations during a TEDx talk in 2018.
The plus size model already had a crown on her head when she became the first to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit and Vogue in 2016 and 2017, respectively, at a size 16. People everywhere admired her for breaking barriers of what was considered the ideal body type at the time. And she was able to respond not just in her photos, but also in her work as a size inclusivity advocate.
Now she’s striving to make an impact on the next generation with her new children’s book, A children’s book about beauty. And although she’s positioning herself as a seasoned professional, she tells Yahoo Lifestyle that self-confidence is a daily practice.
Whether it’s using affirmations, avoiding social media, or simply wearing the right bra, Graham has many tools she relies on that she’s passing on to her three children. Here’s what we can learn from it.
Follow the affirmations
“Affirmations are so personal. They are always changing and are also a daily practice,” says Graham. “The more you practice the words coming out of your mouth, the more you align with your heart and your mind, so it becomes a normal thing, like brushing your teeth.”
The three she highlights in the book — “I’m bold. I’m brilliant. I am beautiful. -are the statements she made when she started practicing, years ago.
“I’m bold because I needed to remember that I was supposed to be where I was in my work. I had to be bold in the decisions I was making in my career and how I was appearing in the fashion industry,” she says. “I am brilliant because I was diagnosed with TO ADD [attention deficit disorder] and dyslexia When I was young and I was always told that I’m not a great reader, I’m not good with words, and I’m not an excellent communicator – I needed to remember that I’m actually all of those things. And I’m beautiful.
She assumes that most people think the latter option is easier for her since, after all, she is a model. But that wasn’t the case.
“In the fashion industry you are being broken down and your whole image is being manipulated by what others think you should be. So I needed to remind myself that I wasn’t going to conform to what the fashion industry wanted me to be. I needed to remember that I was beautiful the way God made me,” she says.
She sees these statements as “a starting point for people” who want to get into the practice.
Make positive thinking a habit
Graham’s statements proved how powerful words can be. So in her house, negative things are not allowed.
“We definitely practice a lot of corrective verbal behaviors,” she says of herself and her husband, Justin Ervin, when it comes to their children — 4-year-old Isaac and 2-year-old twins Roman and Malachi. They are cautious not only about how they talk about themselves and the world around them, but also about how people who enter their home do so, like Graham’s mother or the boys’ nanny. “If you really stop and watch what comes out of your mouth, you’ll be really shocked by the things you’re saying,” she says. “So we basically do this on the computer at home with the kids.”
Discussing negative self-talk is not “a thing to sit around” but something they address in the moment to make positive thinking a habit.
“We do it at dinner and while we play,” she says. “We do not praise his outward appearance too much. We talk about their brain and their creativity and how they are inventors and explorers. We give them those kind of clues and insights into how to talk to themselves.”
Stay true to yourself, not trends
Graham is sure that bodies are not a trend. And while narratives about diet culture and weight loss are resurfacing, it remains emboldened by ongoing conversations about inclusivity.
“I will never be afraid of what I think is happening in the zeitgeist, because what I consider most important is that people stay true to who they are. That’s it,” she says. “What makes me proud is that people still talk about how our bodies are big, small, of all ages, flabby, tight.”
Despite all efforts against it, she knows it’s the reality of how diverse human bodies are and how diverse they always will be.
“What I know is that my body is not a trend and that my body has always been a norm,” she says. “There will be diet trends, we’ve seen them all. There will be fashion trends and there will be trends of people who are popular and not. But the one thing that I know that has never gone away is women who are curvy, who are plus size, whatever you want to call yourself, however you want to identify yourself – there’s a little meat on your bones – that’s never going to go away. Because we are people and our bodies float.”
Whether for good or for a short period of time, Graham strongly believes in disconnecting from platforms like Instagram and disconnecting from the opinions of others.
“Now I have armor that I didn’t have before social media and before I really exposed myself on social media. But if you constantly read the comments, if you look at the DMs, if you start dissecting what people are saying, it will irritate you and it will 100% affect you,” she says. “Right now, I have deleted Instagram. It’s like summer vacation – all the kids went on summer vacation, well, I turned off Instagram. You need to take these breaks in life. We’re not supposed to know and read everyone’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions about you.”
She also encourages unfollowing or blocking accounts that may be harmful to your mental health or body image. “Discover who you are not through someone else’s eyes, but through your own,” she says. “People are really doing this through social media. And it’s not productive in the long run.”
Wear a good bra
Last but not least, a well-fitting bra is key to Graham feeling confident, sexy, and self-assured on any given day.
“For me, it always starts with the bra. If my bra is sagging or if the girls aren’t under my chin, I don’t feel confident,” she says. “Because I feel like I could wear a paper bag and feel so beautiful, as long as the bra is a bra.”
