When my husband and I were newlyweds and moved into our first apartment, most of the renters were, like us, in their early 20s. It was the demographic we thought we preferred, but the most welcoming people in the building were two retirees who rented the apartment below us. Shortly after we moved in, they invited us over for cocktails on Fridays – a fun night out that became a weekly ritual that cemented our friendship over the two years we lived there. I loved hearing about their nostalgic 1940s romance and the children they raised. The experiences they shared helped them see the world through the lens of an older but wiser generation.
Now that I’m a grandmother on the other side of intergenerational friendships, I understand why retirees enjoyed our company. Cultivating a circle of friends 15 to 20 years younger is like drinking from the fountain of youth; These relationships are a vital source of renewed energy, optimism, and influence that help me age well.
I first recognized the benefits of age-gap friendships when my adult children brought their friends out on the weekends. Hearing her perspective on politics, environmental issues, parenting, and social trends was a refreshing change from the social expectations of my own youth. On the lighter side, they also introduced me to microbreweries and funny TikTok memes.
While I still enjoy the company of people my age, I find myself gravitating toward younger people in search of personal growth and a youthful outlook on life. There have been many opportunities for me to meet young friends, as I live in a close-knit neighborhood surrounded by young homeowners. We bond across fences with our common interests in family, community, travel, and pop culture, proving that age doesn’t matter when it comes to friendship.
But what is it about intergenerational relationships that attracts Gen Xers and Gen Yers? My close friend Rachel Brown, 20 years younger than me, has an answer for that. “Most of our friends are our age – in their 40s – and most are parents of our children’s friends,” she says. “This has its benefits, but our conversations often revolve around children. With older friends, we learn different perspectives from their experiences and have new topics to discuss, not just about raising children.”
Rachel adds: “I also see that the older generation has a more laid-back approach to life. They have already overcome the hustle and bustle of raising a young family and working a nine-to-five schedule. They are not competitive or trying to prove anything and tend to be more genuine in friendship.”
Numerous studies point to the benefits of intergenerational friendships, confirming that such relationships can be long-lasting and meaningful and can help promote a positive attitude towards aging. Most importantly, friendships can also reduce the risk of loneliness that many older adults experience. According to US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, a lack of social connection can significantly increase your risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, and premature death in older adults.
Kasley KillamHarvard-educated social health expert and author of The Art and Science of Connection, agree that there is much to be gained by connecting with those who are older or younger than us. According to Killam, if you connect in a meaningful way with another person, your friend’s chemistry will transcend the age difference.
“Intergenerational friendship is a two-way gift, with older and younger people benefiting from the exchange of perspectives and wisdom,” she told Yahoo Life. “Studies have shown that the more diverse your social ties are, the better it is for your health and well-being. Cultivating friendships across ages, different backgrounds, beliefs, ethnicities and cultures benefits all generations.”
When I was younger, I suffered from a lot of insecurities rooted in competitiveness with my peers, which caused several friendships to wither before they could blossom. But at 64, I’m finally comfortable in my skin, without needing to impress anyone. Worrying about living up to other people’s expectations was a waste of time and a burden I’m happy to be rid of.
While it’s true that my younger friends and I are at different stages in our lives, we still learn new things from each other’s experiences. Guidance also plays a vital role in these relationships, but most importantly, I enjoy being the inspiration that helps them embrace aging rather than fear it. After all, the best part of my life began after I turned 60 – a time of hard-earned wisdom, compassion, and freedom.
Meanwhile, my intergenerational friendships are the daily dose of youthful energy I need. Because of these caring relationships, I will forever be young at heart.
Marcia Kester Doyle is the author of Who stole my spandex? Life on the hot flash track and the voice behind the midlife blog Menopausal Mother. She is a regular contributor to AARP the Magazine, with her work also appearing in the New York Times, Washington Post, HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, and many others. She lives in sunny South Florida with her husband and has four adult children, four grandchildren and two feisty pugs.
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