Employee refuses to give ‘condolence money’ after receiving none

An employee questioned whether or not he was wrong for not contributing to a co-worker’s “condolence money” fund.

In a recent reddit post shared with the popular “Am I the idiot?” subredditThey explained that human resources has a policy of passing on an envelope to put money in when someone passes away, whether it be a colleague or one of their family members, which is called condolence money.

The poster noted that they routinely contribute to these funds depending on how close they are to their colleague.

“Last year my grandmother passed away in our country (my parents are immigrants). My family and I were unable to attend her funeral because one of our family members is at high risk and it was not safe to travel,” the post detailed.

“I told HR about my grandmother’s death and was told that a death certificate was required for compassionate leave approval, so I took annual leave to mourn my grandmother at home with my family.”

For this reason, the employee never received condolence money. Now, another employee has passed away and the company’s HR has once again asked for condolence money.

“It just didn’t sit well with me, so this time I refused to offer any money. When HR asked why, I told them how unfair I felt when it’s always me paying for others and no one pays my family anything when my grandmother passed away,” the Reddit post explained.

“They told me it wasn’t their fault that I couldn’t provide a death certificate so they could organize one for me, and that the money was supposed to be a form of prayer, not barter. In the end, I stood my ground saying I wouldn’t make any money.”

The employee concluded the post by mentioning that since the entire department is aware of the refusal and has started giving “disapproving looks,” he is unsure whether he made the right decision or not.

After the post, many people took to the comments with varying opinions on whether or not the employee should have provided money to the fund.

“It’s sad to say, but in places I’ve worked, there have been employees who have had 12 or more ‘dead’ grandparents. There are always some people who abuse bereavement leave. So I can understand companies requiring some sort of documentation,” one comment began.

“On the other hand, your workplace looks seriously incomplete. No one should be informed about who donated and who did not.. No one should be pressured to donate; people may be in difficult financial situations and unable to do so. No one should feel guilty for not giving, or for not giving “enough.” And ‘form of prayer’? Crap. Religion should not be practiced in your workplace. AT ALL,” the comment continued.

“Proof should not be required for co-workers to demonstrate compassion and generosity. You are NTA for not donating. Your workplace is a TA for shaming you for not donating. But be aware that it sounds like your workplace is a stupid, gatekeeping, shameful organization – and you probably can’t do anything about it other than get a job somewhere else.

However, other commenters felt that the Reddit poster needed to comply with company policies and that was why they didn’t receive the money and another employee did.

“They needed proof of death, which you did not provide. Now you act bitterly because someone else who could actually provide a death certificate has died. She was his grandmother. Why didn’t you ask a parent or someone and mention the work needed? Anyway, the whole money thing seems tacky and I think most companies just send flowers as condolences. At the end of the day, anyone can claim a family member died and want the money and death certificate to ensure no one is doing anything shady,” one comment read.

Another commenter agreed, writing: “RH had no proof of death in his family; you could have provided this and chosen not to. If you’ve never contributed to these things because of your own beliefs, etc., I’d say NTA, but it’s clear that’s because you’re angry that HR didn’t give you anything.