J.Ordyn Bristow can’t remember how or why he felt an unbearable repulsion from his feet. All she knows is that about three years ago, when she saw someone’s bare feet, she wanted to vomit. The desire has not diminished. “I start choking – it’s horrible,” says Bristow, 18, who lives in Tasmania, Australia. She was recently in a supermarket when her father pointed out an older man wearing flip-flops, which highlighted his cracked and apparently infected ingrown toenails. She started vomiting and had to leave the store and sit outside, struggling to catch her breath.
Bristow has podophobia: an overwhelming fear of feet. While it’s unclear exactly how many people share this aversion, experts agree that it’s rare. (It’s basically non-existent in the scientific literature.) This means it’s often misunderstood; When Bristow tells her friends about her phobia, they usually start laughing and put their feet on top of hers, or touch hers, thinking it’s a joke. “It’s humiliating,” she says. “I want more people to know about this and take it seriously.”
When summer begins and shoes come off, podophobes brace themselves for visible toes—knowing that looking in the wrong direction can trigger a visceral reaction. See what it’s like to live with podophobia.
Racing heart, shortness of breath and feeling like you are going to die
Podophobia transcends the common feeling of disgust. “It’s not just the general feeling of disgust,” says Lienna Wilson, a clinical psychologist in Princeton, NJ, who treats phobias. “We all have things we don’t like that create that nail-on-the-blackboard feeling. The phobia is much more intense.” People sometimes have panic attacks, she says, and feel heart palpitations, shortness of breath and dizziness; they also start to sweat and feel like they can’t breathe. “They really think they are going to die,” she says. “It’s a very serious physical and emotional reaction.”
This resonates with Jamie Bichelman, 33, of New York, who has had podophobia since at least kindergarten. Back then, he recalls, children would gather on the floor in front of the teacher to read – and if anyone was wearing sandals or took off their shoes, he would quickly move away. When his parents enrolled him in karate classes, he was only able to attend one class because he was so determined to avoid being kicked by other students and not to be touched by anyone who was barefoot. “I was paralyzed with fear, disgust and confusion,” he recalls. “Your heart races, your chest feels tight, and you feel nauseous.”
Bichelman, who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, suspects her aversion to feet has to do with hygiene preferences. Men’s feet bother him most of all; he believes this is because there is increasing cultural pressure on women to keep their feet “pretty.” He has read extensively about podophobia online and this has helped him understand the subject, he says. Now, as an adult, the intensity of the symptoms has decreased. “It’s as if, over the years, the volume of anxiety has turned down a bit,” he says. “Let’s say I’m in a shoe store. It’s no longer a place I should avoid. Or if we’re eating at a restaurant and someone is wearing sandals, I don’t immediately lose my appetite.”
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There is not always a specific reason why someone develops a phobia. But sometimes, therapists can trace it back to a traumatic incident that becomes a central memory and then becomes amplified in someone’s life. Jasmine Sawhne, a psychiatrist in Los Angeles, remembers working with a woman in her early 20s who avoided places or situations where people might be barefoot — like the yoga classes she would have loved to attend. As a child, the woman was accidentally stepped on by a classmate while wearing sandals; this triggered a fear that persisted, gradually worsening throughout his life. “She linked that embarrassment and fear from her childhood to why she felt so uncomfortable seeing feet in the present,” says Sawhne. “She was a high-performing executive, but she was struggling.”
Missing out on fun–and foot care
Just like aspiring yoga aficionados, people with podophobia often avoid activities they would otherwise enjoy: they may not go to pools or beaches, or even venture outdoors during outdoor season. Additionally, many struggle to take care of their own feet, Wilson points out. Some may take a shower but don’t want to look at or touch their feet, she says, so as soon as they get out, they put on their socks without drying themselves properly. This opens the door to health risks such as fungal infections and delays in treating ongoing problems.
Every two months, Julie Schottenstein, a podiatrist who runs the Schottenstein Center in Miami and Hallandale, Fla., encounters a patient with podophobia who reluctantly seeks treatment for a foot problem they have tried to ignore. “There are a lot of tears,” says Schottenstein. “People are panicking, very afraid.” Some turn white in the face and are so distressed that they have to lie down; they don’t want their feet touched, so they skip the medical exam. Many resist taking off their socks and shoes or hold their feet with both hands to protect them. They tell her they never wear open shoes, even in the Miami heat, because they can’t stand what they see. Schottenstein remembers one person who tried to escape the exam room and had to be coaxed back inside. Another put on his shoes and said, “I don’t think I can do this.” “It’s as if a trauma catapulted them into this situation,” says Schottenstein.
Schottenstein makes a point of proceeding slowly and carefully, explaining everything he is about to do. “We talked about it,” she says. “So I say, ‘OK, now I’m going to do what we talked about. Remember, I’m doing this and that.’” She encourages patients to look out the window at the beautiful waterfront view and do breathing exercises. She asks disturbing questions, like what they did that weekend – any cool restaurants? When she finishes her appointment and they go home, everyone is relieved.
How to deal with podophobia
Depending on the severity, overcoming a phobia may require a combination of therapy and medication. Sawhne, for example, remembers treating a woman who had lived with podophobia for years and was struggling to be intimate with a new partner. The woman was afraid of having to look at or touch her boyfriend’s feet, causing physical symptoms – sweating, hand tremors, heart palpitations, ringing in the ears – followed by ruminating thoughts and a deep feeling of shame.
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Sawhne suggested exposure therapy. “The goal is to desensitize the individual to their fear,” she says. She and her client created a hierarchical chart and ranked foot-related situations from least to most anxiety-provoking, then analyzed them. Among the easiest steps: viewing images of feet and looking at abstract and then close-up photos. The woman eventually had to touch her own feet and then her partner’s feet. “The most anxiety-provoking thing, at least in this person’s case, was getting a foot massage,” Sawhne recalls, so that was the final task. “At the same time, I was teaching mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation skills, so in the moment she was feeling anxiety, she had tools to help manage her symptoms.”
Although most people who undergo exposure therapy do not end up loving feet, your phobia no longer reduces your quality of life. That’s why experts say it’s essential to raise awareness and combat the shame that often surrounds rare phobias. There’s no need to keep your phobia a secret and suffer in silence, Sawhne emphasizes. “People know this is an irrational fear, but they create avoidance behaviors to help manage their day-to-day lives so they don’t have to deal with it,” she says. “They enter treatment when they realize their fear is getting in the way of something bigger,” like a fulfilling relationship or laid-back fun all summer long.
This story originally appeared on Time.com read the full story
