Have you ever felt exhausted browsing dating apps? You May Be Experiencing Burnout

NEW YORK — While many happy couples may chart their meet-cute moment on an online dating app, many others find the endless process of likes, swipes, taps, and awkward DMs that go nowhere to be exhausting — leading to a phenomenon known as “ dating app burnout.

That was the case for Marilyn Espitia, a 31-year-old photo editor and freelance photographer from California who first ventured into online dating in college, when she met her ex-partner and now father of her child on OkCupid.

Today she has been single for about three years. Although she’s still a “hopeless romantic” who plans to continue using these platforms — particularly Hinge — Espitia says she’ll quit an app or pause her profile when it becomes a bit too much.

“It starts to get overwhelming,” Espitia said.

Licensed clinical psychologist Yasmine Saad says that about 3 in 4 people she works with use dating apps, and somewhere between 80 to 90 percent have expressed feeling fatigue or burnout similar to Espitia’s at some point.

This is partly because success is never promised in online dating, regardless of whether you are looking for a lifelong partner or a casual fling.

“It’s a very difficult process for people because you invest a lot and get back little,” said Saad, founder and CEO of Madison Park Psychological Services in New York. “This triggers a lot of hopelessness and a lot of self-esteem problems.”

Kathryn Coduto, an assistant professor of media science at Boston University who has studied online dating since 2016, says the burnout of dating apps is probably as old as the apps themselves, noting that people have felt fatigue with previously dominant desktop platforms, like eHarmony or Match .com too.

But these days, burnout can be intensified by the fact that there’s an app for almost every part of our daily lives and the constant connectivity can be too much. Pandemic-era “Zoom fatigue” has spread to other areas of technology consumption, Coduto said, and online dating is not immune.

This doesn’t mean that dating apps are going away anytime soon. Research shows that usage has remained relatively stable in recent years.

Pew Research Center said it 3 in 10 adults in the US reported using an online dating site or app in July 2021 – identical to the share found on October 2019months before COVID-19 impacted much of daily life, including dating habits.

While there was some increase in downloads from new users at the start of the pandemic, Coduto’s research found a greater increase in usage by those who already had dating apps and spent more time on them during lockdowns. But those same lockdowns also limited in-person interactions, and the ripple effects are still felt today.

“The pandemic has increased loneliness,” Saad said. “But it also increased hopelessness… because even apps weren’t meeting people’s socialization needs.”

For Jennifer Stavros, a freelance journalist in Los Angeles, her time in the world of online dating “has been a mixed bag.” Although she’s still experimenting with platforms like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, Stavros notes that she’s experienced a recent cycle of matches that aren’t going far.

“I have a talk… and everything will go well. (But) then he’ll just fall or hit a wall somewhere,” Stavros, 42, said. “That’s not making me very hopeful.”

Others add that it can also be easy to forget that there are people on the other side of those swipes and likes, leaving them feeling rejected as they look for connections.

“I think this feeling of endlessly sliding leads to burnout,” Coduto said. “You’re treating people like a deck of cards because that’s what you’re looking at.”

Yumei He, an assistant professor of management sciences at Tulane University’s Freeman School of Business who also studies online dating, said harmful experiences — like being ghosted — can cause users to not trust a platform or take ownership of every interaction. future events that will occur. they end up the same way, leading them to disconnect and decide that “dating is important, but my safety, my worth (worth) is more important.”

And, of course, burnout isn’t the same for everyone. Experiences can vary widely depending on gender, sexuality, race and ethnicity. Researchers have found that women and queer individuals, for example, are more likely to face harassment than men, while racial and ethnic minorities are often fetishized in online dating spaces or experience other discrimination resulting from sexual racism.

The trauma of experiencing discrimination and other abuse on a dating app can make it very difficult to stay on or trust a platform again, Coduto said.

Companies are increasingly navigating ways to solve all of this. Hinge, for example, launched “Hidden Words” in April, which allows its users to filter words, phrases and emojis in likes and comments received. A Hinge spokesperson said this feature aims to help vulnerable groups — especially women, people of color and LGBTQ+ individuals — avoid unwanted interactions based on personal preferences.

Gay dating app and social network Grindr alert users of potential security threats in their area, which has been particularly critical for LGBTQ+ people in countries that may face police raids and other dangers, CEO George Arison said in an interview. Users can also “surf the net” in incognito mode, which is typically a paid feature, free in some locations, he added.

“All Grindr users face some type of challenge in their lives,” Arison said. “Our job has always been to create a safe environment for people to be who they are.”

When asked about the general burnout of dating apps, Arison said “we haven’t seen any burnout from Grindr users,” but noted that there is a growing hunger for innovation.

This is evidenced by the numerous updates that have recently emerged across several dating apps — from a new prompts option on Bumble that changes how the platform has historically facilitated your “first move” to Tinder’s “Matchmaker” feature that lets you have friends recommend profiles for each person. another and Hinge’s tests on “your spin limits” to help avoid ghosting.

Several popular platforms, including Grindr and Tinder, say they have begun integrating artificial intelligence to help identify potentially harmful messages and other safety precautions. Some are also looking at AI possibilities, such as using the technology to strengthen matching algorithms or offering message prompts and date ideas to users.

“We’re just scratching the tip of the iceberg,” said Anindya Ghose, the Heinz Riehl Professor of Technology and Marketing at New York University’s Stern School of Business, who believes AI can help alleviate burnout, but transparency will be fundamental.

These innovations could be a way to keep people hooked on dating apps. Espitia is among those who say she would be open to seeing platforms implement new updates – including the use of AI – if it helps improve connections with those around her.

“We’re in this new era of finding love,” she said. “People are really starved for love – and I think if it (technology) can help, why not?”