Parents admit how they really feel when their adult children come back to their home – and the reason the kids return to the nest

A SURPRISING number of parents are thrilled when their adult children move back in with them.

But the added stress of another person in the house takes a toll, according to a new study.

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85% of parents whose children have already moved are delighted when their birds return to the nest, according to new research.

A survey of 2,000 parents of children in their 20s who live at home aimed to find out what the experience of having 20-somethings at home has been like and revealed some interesting trends.

Four in 10 parents had children who initially moved out (42%) – while 58% said their children had always lived at home.

For those who spread their wings and left their parents’ home, the main reasons were living alone (41%), going to college (29%) or living with a partner (26%).

Of these respondents, the majority remember that their children asked to move back to live (69%) because they did not have money to live alone (42%) or because they wanted to save money (33%).

Conducted by Talker Research for BOK FinancialThe survey found that even now, half of all parents surveyed said their children still live with them due to the current economic climate (52%).

Convenience also influences why adult children live at home (32%), in addition to wanting to be close to family (25%).

While 45% of respondents said their children’s move has improved their relationship, parenting is taking a toll on parents.

A quarter of respondents admit they were not financially prepared to have their children live with them in adulthood (27%).

Likewise, 29% shared that their children rarely or never contribute financially to the household, which may be compounding the great financial pressure that 34% felt over the past year.

Additionally, one in five said that their adult child living at home had a negative impact on their own financial planning or retirement plans (19%).

On average, parents estimate that their children will remain under their roof for another 16 months, while a third of respondents are unsure about their children’s stability (32%).

“If you have adult children living at home – which is not uncommon these days! – is an opportunity to model good financial practices while encouraging them to save diligently,” said Leasa Melton, product strategy manager at BOK Financial.

“But like everything in parenting, it’s a balance between letting them learn and helping guide them.

“Often they live at home to save up for the next step of independence and having them in your home gives you the chance to cheer them up in a safe environment.”

In addition to their own financial problems, 46% of parents surveyed expressed concern about their children’s ability to be financially independent.

Where does this concern come from? 30% recognize that their children are in a worse financial situation than at their age, which leads the majority of parents to have doubts about whether their children are financially prepared to leave home at this time (56%).

For their children to achieve financial independence, parents ask for better job opportunities (50%) and resources for education or financial planning (28%).

Nine in ten tried to get ahead of this issue, saying it was important for them to teach their children financial lessons before they finish high school.

Whether this information has taken root is a different debate: Just 20% rate their children’s understanding of financial matters as an A or higher, compared to 27% who rate themselves the same.

However, there is always time to learn: parents taught their children all kinds of lessons in adulthood, mainly related to finances (66%), domestic (59%) and lifestyle (52%).

If you have adult children living at home – which is not uncommon these days! — is an opportunity to model good financial practices while encouraging them to save diligently.

Leasa Meltonproduct strategy manager at BOK Financial

A third of parents also remember starting late, sharing that all the financial advice they taught their children was learned in adulthood (32%).

While their adult children live with them, parents especially emphasize teaching them how to save money (77%) and budget (71%).

Parents also highlight the importance of paying off debts (53%) and investing (46%).

“Kids don’t always learn financial lessons when they’re young,” Melton said.

“But as they gain independence, living at home offers another opportunity to help them establish good financial habits, a win for parents and adult children alike.”

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