At what age should children be on social media? Should they be in this? If they are not, will they be social outcasts? Should parents monitor their conversations? Do parental controls work?
Navigating social media as a parent — not to mention a child — isn’t easy. Using social media platforms is still the norm for most American teens, with the Pew Research Center reporting that 58% of teens are daily TikTok users, including 17% who describe their TikTok use as nearly constant. About half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram daily, with near-constant usage at 14% and 8% for each, respectively.
But parents – and even some teenagers – are increasingly concerned about the effects of social media use on young people. Lawmakers took notice and held several congressional hearings on child safety online. But even with apparent bipartisan unity, creating laws and regulating companies takes time. So far, no regulations have been approved.
What should parents – and teens – do in the meantime? Here are some tips on how to stay safe, communicate and set limits on social media – for both children and their parents.
There already technically exists a rule that prohibits children under the age of 13 from using platforms that advertise to them without their parents’ consent: the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, which came into effect in 2000, even before teenagers of born today.
The goal was to protect children’s online privacy by requiring websites and online services to post clear privacy policies and obtain parental consent before collecting their children’s personal information, among other things. To comply, social media companies have generally banned children under 13 from signing up for their services.
But times have changed and online privacy is no longer the only concern when it comes to children online. There is bullying, harassment, risk of developing eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or worse.
For years, there has been pressure among parents, educators, and technology experts to wait to give kids phones — and access to social media — until they are older, like the “Wait until the 8th” pledge, which makes parents sign a pledge not to give their children a smartphone until the 8th grade, or around the age of 13 or 14. Some wait until later, like 16 or 17.
But neither social media companies nor the government have done anything concrete to raise the age limit.
“There isn’t necessarily a magic age,” said Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at the nonprofit Common Sense Media. But, she added, “13 is probably not the best age for kids to get on social media.”
Currently proposed laws include general bans for children under 13 when it comes to social media. The problem? There is no easy way to verify a person’s age when they sign up for apps and online services. And the apps popular with today’s teens were created for adults first. Companies have added some safeguards over the years, Elgersma noted, but these are gradual changes rather than fundamental rethinks of services.
“Developers need to start creating apps with kids in mind,” she said.
Some technology executives, celebrities like Jennifer Garner and parents from all walks of life turned to completely banning your children from social media. Although the decision is personal and depends on each child and their parents, some experts say it can lead to isolation for children, who may be left out of activities and discussions with friends that take place on social media or chat services.
Another obstacle: Children who have never been on social media may find themselves ill-equipped to navigate the platforms when they are suddenly given free rein on the day they turn 18.
Start early, sooner than you think. Elgersma suggests that parents access their own social media feeds with their children before they are old enough to be online and have open discussions about what they see. How would your child handle a situation where a friend of a friend asked him to send a photo? Or what if they see an article that makes them so angry that they just want to share it right away?
For older kids, Elgersma says to approach them with curiosity and interest, “asking about what their friends are doing or just not asking direct questions like, ‘What are you doing on Instagram?’ but rather, ‘Hey, I heard this influencer is really popular.’” And even if your son rolled his eyes, it could be a window.”
Don’t say things like “Turn that thing off!” when your child has been browsing for too long, says Jean Rogers, director of the nonprofit Fairplay’s Screen Time Action Network.
“That’s not respectful,” Rogers said. “It doesn’t respect the fact that they have a whole life and a whole world on that device.”
Instead, Rogers suggests asking questions about what they do on the phone and seeing what your child is willing to share.
Children also tend to respond to parents and educators “opening the curtains” on social media and the sometimes insidious tools companies use to keep people online and engaged, Elgersma said. Watch a documentary like “The Social Dilemma,” which explores algorithms, dark patterns, and dopamine feedback loops on social media. Or read along with them about how Facebook and TikTok make money.
“Kids love knowing these things and it will give them a sense of power,” she said.
Rogers says most parents are able to take their kids’ phones away at night to limit scrolling. Occasionally, kids may try to steal the phone back, but it’s a strategy that tends to work because kids need a break from the screen.
“They need an excuse from their colleagues not to be on the phone at night,” Rogers said. “They can blame the parents.”
Parents may need to set their own limits on phone use. Rogers said it’s helpful to explain what you’re doing when you have a phone in your hand near your child so they understand that you’re not aimlessly browsing sites like Instagram. Tell your child you’re checking work email, looking for a recipe for dinner, or paying a bill so he understands you’re not just there for fun. Then tell them when you plan to get off the phone.
Social media platforms aimed at children have added an ever-widening array of parental controls as they face increasing scrutiny over child safety. For example, Meta revealed parental supervision last year tools that allow parents to set time limits, see who their children follow or are followed by, and monitor how much time their child spends on Instagram. Does not allow parents to see the content of the message.
But as with similar tools on other platforms like TikTok, the feature is optional and both kids and parents need to agree to use it. To encourage kids to agree to set controls, Instagram sends teens a warning after they block someone, encouraging them to let their parents “supervise” their account. The idea is to attract children’s attention when they are more open to their parents’ guidance.
By making the feature optional, Meta says it is trying to “balance teens’ safety and autonomy” as well as encourage conversations between parents and children.
These features can be helpful for families where parents are already involved in their children’s online lives and activities. Experts say this is not the reality for many people.
US Surgeon General Murthy said last year It is unfair to expect parents to manage what their children do with a rapidly evolving technology that “fundamentally changes the way your children think about themselves, how they build friendships, how they experience the world – and technology, for that matter, that previous generations They never had to use it.” to manage.”
Putting all of this on the shoulders of parents, he said, “is just not fair.”
