A MOTHER who was sexually abused as a child “felt bad” when she realized her attacker was her son’s new boss.
Lisa Connor, from Chapeltown, County Down, Northern Ireland, was attacked by Paul Milligan – the nephew of her mother’s then partner – when she was 10 or 11 years old.
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She hadn’t seen Milligan in years when she suddenly saw him on her son’s Facebook friends list in 2016.
Lisa and her fellow victim, Colm Cunningham, agreed to give up their anonymity as sexual assault victims to tell their stories.
Lisa, 43, told The Sun: “I had gone on my son’s Facebook and realized they were friends, and I called him and wanted to know why they were friends, how they were friends.
“He really thought I had a screw loose and said, ‘What are you talking about?
“’He’s my boss.’ I said ‘no, you need to give up your job’. In the end, I had to tell my son why he had to give up his job.”
Mother-of-two Lisa said her then-teenage son worked as a kitchen porter alongside Milligan – who was his immediate superior – at a local hotel.
‘IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT’
Asked how difficult it was to reveal her grief to her son, Lisa said: “It was very, very difficult. He wasn’t giving up his job just because I told him to.
“He needed to know and the second I told him he sexually abused me as a child, he resigned that night.
“He wanted to get out of there because he said it would have literally killed him. I sat my son down and told him and he stood by my side every day in court.”
Describing the abuse she suffered, Lisa said her family had just moved north from Dublin, Ireland, with her mother’s new partner, and Milligan briefly entered her life. He was 17 years old at the time.
The abuse occurred soon after.
“I went into a spiral, I went completely off track. I really went off the rails when I was 16,” she added.
In 2002 – two years after her son was born – Lisa reported the attack to the police, but ended up changing her mind about pressing charges.
However, after confessing everything to her son, she decided to pursue the case again years later.
Milligan, from Ballymartin, was convicted last December at Newry Crown Court of sexually assaulting two men and a woman over a five-year period between October 1986 and June 1991.
The 49-year-old was convicted in February of eight counts of sexual assault and four counts of gross indecency against his three victims.
Three charges of sodomy, which he denied, were left on the books.
DELIVER A SENTENCE
Milligan was sentenced to one year in prison and an additional two years on probation.
Lisa continued: “I always say things happen for a reason.
“If my son hadn’t been working side by side with him, he wouldn’t have known I was being abused… I never would have pressed charges, because I was taking it to my grave.
“I firmly believe there’s a reason he was working with him. I was able to do something about it – and we got justice.”
Another of Milligan’s victims, Colm, 45, met Lisa during the court proceedings.
Lisa said: “We didn’t just become survivors, I think you could say we became good friends.
“I find it very easy to talk to Colm because no matter what I say, Colm knows what I’m talking about.
“He’s the only person I know in my life who’s been through the exact same thing with the same person that I can talk to openly and he just understands.”
Both are now campaigning for stronger sentences in historic abuse cases.
Lisa said: “I think there are a lot more people out there who need to speak out and we need to fight for stronger sentences.”
She continued: “With this type of case you don’t get guilty pleas, you don’t get prison sentences.
“The fact that we got both… everyone said, ‘He’s only got a year.’ But we hoped he wouldn’t win anything.
“That year for us was important. Yes, it wasn’t enough, but at the same time, from my point of view, it was important.
“Our lawyer did a little dance. She couldn’t believe he got a prison sentence because that doesn’t happen.”
‘MADE A STATEMENT’
Father-of-three Colm, from Kilkeel, agreed: “It made a statement.”
He first reported Milligan in May 2013.
“The struggle of it all, having to show up interviewsand then three postponements…” he said, before stopping.
He was abused by Milligan when he was 13, both living near each other in Ballymartin.
“It happened to me countless times over a 10-month period,” Colm said.
“That’s why I had to come forward, I couldn’t deal with it. It was either that or leave my life behind.
“I couldn’t do it, but I knew what I had to do, it was the hardest thing, but I had to do it.”
He added, “I’m still hurting, to tell you the God’s honest truth.”
You are not alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It does not discriminate, affecting the lives of people in all corners of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality TV stars and football players.
It is the biggest cause of death for people under 35, deadlier than cancer and car accidents.
And men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women.
Yet it is rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and pay attention, now.
That’s why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our part to help save lives.
Let’s all promise to ask for help when we need it and listen to others… You are not alone.
If you, or someone you know, needs help dealing with mental health issues, the following organizations will provide support:
O next A year or so after the abuse ended, Colm became increasingly withdrawn and his mother took him to the doctor.
“I loved football. He was always outside the house, he had to be dragged into the house,” she explained.
“But I started worrying about things all the time. I felt adrenaline rushing through my body and my mother knew I wasn’t well. The doctor gave me medication for anxiety when I was 15.”
In 2004 he moved to Australia with his then girlfriend and they had two daughters.
But he couldn’t escape the pain and “things got worse and worse.”
“The pain in my head, the whistling, the ringing in my ears, the adrenaline. It didn’t stop. It’s like when a car stops at you and you feel that rush. It was every day. It’s rotten.”
He said: “I had to have electroconvulsive therapy in Australia and I think it did me more harm than good. I don’t think this can even be done in the UK, only as a last resort.
“I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act in Australia, I had three seizures and the list goes on.”
He eventually returned to Northern Ireland in May 2018 and again approached police about Milligan.
He added: “The adrenaline has gone since the court case but the whistle is still there.
“I had to leave my two beautiful daughters in Australia. I’m still in their lives and paying for them. But I had to come home.”
Lisa eventually accepted and having her as an extra victim helped solidify the case.
She said: “It all happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to think. I’m just now realizing what I went through and how quickly it happened.
“It took a few years to get to court, but as it was ongoing, I was pressured, it didn’t even take a year. It was very intense for me.”
Describing seeing Milligan plead guilty in December, she said: “It was a huge relief. That was the only time I got to look him in the face and see him bend the microphone and say ‘guilty’.
“This was the most harrowing thing I’ve ever had to do, but you know what? It was as if someone had come behind me and lifted the bricks from my shoulders.
“Don’t get me wrong, seeing him guilty doesn’t eliminate that, not by a long shot. We are no longer victims, we are survivors and we will be survivors for the rest of our lives.
“We need people to know that the sentence will be harsher. It’s something we should speak out for. It’s okay to speak up and speak out. As survivors, we want the law to be changed. We want people to listen.”
To see more about Lisa and Colm’s campaign Click here.
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This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
