A couple living in Nigeria’s “divorce capital” are being hailed for their long marriage, having recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir spoke to the BBC about the secrets to their happiness and why so many marriages fail in the city of Kano, in the north of the country, in a video that generated many comments.
Yusuf attributes this to his wife’s generous nature.
“She is a very selfless person and ignores many things that contributed to the success of our marriage,” the 76-year-old told BBC Hausa.
This brings a smile to Mrs. Tahir, who is in her late sixties. Together, the couple had 13 children – and she praised her husband’s ability to remain calm in the face of the difficulties all families face.
“He is a very patient man and I feel like that was key to our success as well,” she said.
The pair say they love and respect each other – and clearly enjoy each other’s company, stopping to laugh several times during the interview.
For Hassana Mahmud, it is a revelation. The 39-year-old divorcee has been married five times and is impressed by the couple and their obvious contentment.
“In all of my marriages, I have only spent four years with one spouse – so seeing them on social media celebrating this milestone was refreshing,” she said.
“My husbands were all nice and attentive when we were dating, but they changed after marriage,” said the mother of four.
“I feel bad whenever I hear people call Kano ‘the divorce capital of Nigeria’, I hope things change,” she added.
Kano earned this epithet after divorce rates began to rise in the 1990s and was unable to shake off the unwanted label.
Hundreds of marriages collapse every month in Nigeria’s most populous state, whose capital, the city of Kano, is the commercial center of the north.
In 2022, a survey carried out by the BBC in collaboration with the local government revealed that 32% of marriages in Kano State only survive between three and six months.
It also revealed that some people aged between 20 and 25 had already been through three marriages.
The scale of the separations is a concern – especially for Hisbah, an Islamic agency funded by Kano state that deals with moral issues and enforces Sharia, or Islamic law, in the state.
It has a police unit that enforces measures such as segregation in public places and the prohibition of alcohol for Muslims, who make up the majority of residents. It also has a counseling service mainly to help couples in difficulty.
Long lines of women can often be seen queuing up outside their offices to complain that their ex-husbands are not helping to support their children.
People tend to get married young in Kano – usually before the age of 18.
Others think that Islam’s easy method of divorce may be a factor, as husbands can simply tell their wives, “I divorce you” or write it down on a piece of paper and it’s all over. Nowadays, just one message sent on social media can end a marriage.
Aminu Daurawa works for Hisbah to address the high divorce rate. One of her solutions is to offer people a second chance and better prepare them for married life.
The agency organizes mass marriages, known as “Auren Zawarawa”, mainly for divorcees – acting as a matchmaker on a giant scale.
The hundreds of newlywed couples, who receive a grand wedding ceremony, also receive a small amount to help them start a business and other household goods.
This initiative began in 2012 – although Daurawa acknowledges that divorce rates are still high.
“We know about this problem – that’s why we created a committee to check each couple after the wedding, so that we don’t have the first [same] results,” he said.
But Hadiza Ado, founder of the non-governmental organization Women and Children Initiative, says the number of divorces continues to rise.
“We currently receive up to 30 marital cases daily across our various offices,” she told the BBC.
“The worrying Nigerian economy is the main reason at this time.
“Husbands go out to survive and sometimes return home empty-handed, which causes disagreements.”
The practice of using matchmakers is common in Kano because in a Muslim society single people do not mix, so it is difficult to find potential partners.
The only place where the sexes mix would be at university or other tertiary institutions, which most people do not attend.
When people are united, they often get married without knowing each other.
In fact, Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir were introduced at a young age by an older woman in their neighborhood.
It was she who felt they would be a good match – but they were only married for another 12 years, giving them enough time to get to know each other.
A man with a reputation for making successful matches says this is key.
“You need to do a lot of research before the wedding to get to know the people involved,” Rabiu Ado told the BBC.
He established himself as a matchmaker 10 years ago. The 46-year-old didn’t intend to become a marriage broker, even though that was his mother’s job.
He was working as a truck driver when he was approached by friends complaining about the difficulty of finding a partner.
After making a few successful presentations, he realized he had a talent for the family business.
He now has billboards advertising his services – and receives between one and five clients a day. He interviews them and gets to know their attitudes and expectations. Men often want a woman who can make money and women want rich men.
“Many people get married with the wrong mindset, which is why they become disappointed after a while.”
He says he has organized around 500 weddings in the last decade, with a success rate of over 90%.
He advises couples to always take time to get to know each other well before getting married.
Ado, who has the nickname “Mai Dalili”, which means “The One Who Makes It Happen”, says the high number of divorces means that some people do not take marriage seriously.
“I think the reason why divorce is high in Kano is because people think I can always get someone else after the divorce.”
Islamic cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa defends the ease with which Muslims can get divorced.
“Islam is merciful and has made marriages and divorces easy, so people are not caged when things do not go well,” he told the BBC.
“In the past we didn’t have as many divorces because our parents had been married for decades. It was in recent times that people started abusing the process for selfish interests,” he says.
“But in essence, unlike some religions where death is regardless of the situation, Islam legalizes divorce when things get out of control.”
Yusuf, who worked for the now-defunct Nigeria Airways, says sharing life’s hardships and helping each other has been crucial to his lasting partnership with Tahir.
“Love is also fundamental because when you genuinely love each other, you tend to stay together.
“My advice to people getting married is not to go into it for selfish reasons, but rather with genuine intentions.”
His wife agrees, adding: “My advice is that people who want to get married have to be patient with each other – if one partner is angry, the other should stay calm.”
Additional reporting by Abba Awwalu
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