My face was digitally mapped using a formula called the ‘Golden Ratio’ – and I’m officially as beautiful as Kate Moss

NOW, I’ve never paid much attention to my chin, my eyebrows, or actually my forehead.

As far as I was concerned, I was no Bruce Forsyth (RIP), no Denis Healey (ditto for the Seventies Chancellor) and no Ant McPartlin, so life was fine.

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And then a top plastic surgeon “digitally mapped” my face, comparing it to the ten most beautiful women in the world — and my previously tranquil facial dreams were shattered.

In terms of the Golden Ratio – the mathematical formula used to assess beauty – I scored just 78% on my eyebrows, 80% on my forehead and 83% on my chin.

Queen’s Gambit star Anya Taylor-Joy averaged over 94 percent, for reference.

So, at least to my nose, I’m 16% less palatable than Anya Taylor-Joy. Still, nothing a mini-facelift can’t change.

Elsewhere, however, I was ecstatic to discover that I did very well – with an overall average of 86.26%.

Sure, I may not be 2024’s answer to Nefertiti, but according to leading facial plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva (who may very well be parting my chin, eyebrows, and forehead with his little scalpel soon), I’m not a munter. Officially.

My Golden Ratio score is about one percent below that of the Princess of Wales (the living one) and Kate Moss.

Ah, but which Kate? Waify, Vogue cover star and supermodel circa 2004, or how is she today?

“The last one,” they told me.

Oh. Still, Dr. Julian’s comments on my (flattering) signed photograph are encouraging.

“Clemmie has an exceptionally beautiful face and her score of 86.26 percent compares to some of the most beautiful women in the world,” he says, clearly seeking a great view from his Harley Street Center for Advanced Cosmetic and Plastic Surgery.

“The Princess of Wales, with a score of 87.45 per cent, was only just over one per cent above her.

“Why is Clemmie so pretty?” (Keep talking, Dr. Julian, keep talking). “She has a very high score for the space between the base of the nose and the lips, which gives symmetry to the face.

“She has a beautifully shaped nose (thanks, totally mine) and this is reflected in her score of 92% for nose width and length.

“Her eye position is excellent, with a score of 92 percent. Clemmie’s scores in all categories were well above average and she would have been elevated to my top 50 women’s list alongside 2024 overall winner Anya Taylor-Joy if the scores for her eyebrows and forehead had been higher.

Gah, that annoying forehead again. Still, I’m very pleased with these results and can only hope that the next time I’m looting a bar on a Friday night, someone approaches me with a ruler to measure my pleasingly symmetrical face.

Ah, but herein lies the problem. Although undoubtedly very striking and beautiful, is Anya really the most beautiful woman in the world?

Nose-lip base length

Is she two percent prettier than, say, Beyoncé? Or hotter than Margot Robbie, who I would kill with my own hands to look like.

(To clarify, I wouldn’t kill Margot Robbie to look like Margot Robbie, but perhaps a small rodent or snake).

Because let’s face it, while we can all arbitrarily agree that these women are incredibly beautiful, attractiveness lies far beyond the epidermis.

Charisma – or rizz, as Gen Z says – is much, much more important in my eyes (92%). As well as humor, kindness and intelligence.

All of this makes someone sexy.

A satisfactory length at the base of the nose and lips is not enough for me, but the complete package – personality, confidence and appearance – is.

And no digital ruler or software can assess this.

However, plastic surgeons are increasingly using the Golden Ratio formula when inspecting potential patients’ faces.

A visually balanced face is apparently approximately 1.618 times longer than it is wide – meaning 1.618 is the magic number.

Likewise, the distance from the top of the nose to the center of the lips should be about 1.618 times the distance from the center of the lips to the chin, while the hairline to the upper eyelid is classically 1.618 times the length of the top of the lips. the upper eyebrow to the lower eyelid.

I think they are delicious

And so on.

But then again, what does it all mean, really?

I could look at a model’s photo shoot and think she’s hot, then meet her in the flesh and be completely cold.

My first crushes were Jason Donovan, who had a mullet at the time, and Gary Lineker, who, by his own admission, has ears like pitchers.

None of them would have scored 100% perfect on the Golden Ratio, but to my young, untrained eye, they were veritable Adonis.

Today, if I could look like any woman in the world, it would probably be Emma Stone, who doesn’t appear anywhere in the Top Ten but has an incredibly sexy voice and unquantifiable charisma.

But back to me.

Having established that this is all nonsense, I’m still deeply tempted to add 86.26 percent to my CV, to my Instagram and X, LinkedIn, and send it to those nice guys at Wikipedia to see if they can update my page.

Otherwise, and with one shandy down, I will start introducing myself as “the beautiful Clemmie, eight percent uglier than Bella Hadid”.

THE BEST BEAUTIES IN THE WORLD…SAYS RELATION

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