YOU can see the slogans now: Meg America Great Again!
His promises to make the US a Sp-Markle once again: candles, strawberry jam and equality for all!
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Yes, after a quick trip around Nigeria, the Duchess of Sussex has apparently found her true calling. . . starting, in their elegant four-inch Louboutins, an exhausting march to Washington (via Lagos).
Accompanied by her pet Harry, Meghan Markle’s visit to Africa was described in whispery, presidential terms.
With the former Etonian by her side, she flourished in Nigeria (accompanied at all times by a White House-style security detail and AK-47-wielding members of the local militia).
Finally abandoning their royal titles, the pair were described as “special guests”.
Perhaps encouraged by a recent DNA test that showed the former Suits actress was 43% Nigerian, she told children at one school: “I see myself in you.”
She later thanked the nation for “welcoming me home.”
(No matter that nine years ago, writing on her blog The Tig, she wrote a love letter to Malta, where her great-grandmother came from, stating that the country also “felt like home.”)
After all, you can never have too many houses. Except Angela Rayner.
The couple, freed from the shackles of the “racist” Royal Family, flourished on this philanthropic ego trip visit.
There were lots of stylish outfit changes, smiles at little children, lots of hand-holding, and speeches about education, mental health, and “getting rich.”
And certainly, this little outing could be extremely enriching for Markle.
Diplomacy over the family
Forget loud red, white and blue — President Markle will opt for tasteful grays and neutral tones upon her arrival at the White House.
Last week, her husband shunned his father, King Charles, choosing to stay at a hotel in Surrey rather than a preferred royal residence.
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This is certainly the unified couple’s definitive declaration of intent: No more clinging to monarchical tails. Politics above royalty. Geopolitical diplomacy over the family.
Bash Meghan all you want – and, by God, she makes it easy – but she has an exceptionally brilliant way with the public.
In the same way, ironically, that Princess Diana did.
She may not have much political training, but hey, that hasn’t stopped Donald Trump, who makes two A-level Harrys look like the brains of Britain.
The US has never had a female president and a large part of Meg’s strategy has to do with gender equality.
Americans: A vote for Meghan is a vote for the sisterhood!
Americans love nothing more than a dapper Brit, and with Harry as her significant other, she has heaven’s First Gentleman waiting for her.
And Prince Harry, although he doesn’t have a great intellect, is smart enough to realize that his star is on the wane.
He is devoted to his wife and two children – he will certainly support her Grand Plan.
Let’s not forget that last month he listed America as his official country of residence, certainly making his wife’s future transatlantic ambitions even easier.
As he wrote in his recent rags-to-riches memoir, Spare, he’s been Plus One for almost 40 years – what difference will another 40 make?
So if this gets Meghan out of royal meddling and dick blocks another diaper-wearing octogenarian man from the White House for another seven years, I’m in.
Yay! Team Meg!
CRUISE, SORRY NOW?
SUNDAY saw the usual array of multi-millionaire stars drinking Bollinger, dressed in designer fashion, at the Bafta TV Awards, one of the most prestigious nights in showbusiness.
It was equally delightful to see P&O Cruises getting more attention than Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman and company.
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There was no escaping the slightly incongruous main sponsor.
Not only was “P&O Cruises” plastered across the stage, but Bafta was forced to repeatedly tweet off-the-cuff phrases like: “Your memorable P&O Cruises moment is. . . The final showdown in Catherine Cawood and Tommy Lee Royce’s kitchen in Happy Valley.
Bright.
FORGET the steering wheel, sliced bread and air travel – a Finnish hairdresser has come up with the ultimate innovation: silencing commitments.
A smart woman named Kati Hakomeri has introduced a “silent service” for those (all of us) who don’t want to chat about the weather and/or any good vacation plans.
Please bring her to the UK. Now.
DINING IS VERY TAXING
ANOTHER week, another sneaky tax.
A catering industry report suggests that 13% of fast food restaurants are now charging service fees, while some luxury restaurants charge 30% just to open a bottle of champagne.
Of course, we know that the lockdown has hit the hospitality industry hard. But it also hit the consumer hard.
If restaurants really want to get their hands on bread baskets again, eating out needs to be an experience — not an experience.
It’s good that we were delivered to Eden
A MIXED bag at Eurovision on Saturday night.
Although our participant, Olly Alexander, may have said goodbye to his career and certainly wishes he had given it all a wide berth, we Brits were proud of the public vote.
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By giving points to Israel, we are pointing two fingers at the “left-wing joy police,” as one commentator put it.
The intimidation of an innocent 20-year-old Israeli Jew, Eden Golan – the poor girl demanded a 24-hour security guard after a plethora of death threats and protests – was inexcusable.
Much of the pro-Palestinian left was inciting hatred.
They wanted us to boycott the pop contest, an event intended to be a celebration of all things ridiculous, fun, and over-the-top.
Instead, we Brits vote with our thumbs, texting to give maximum points to Israel.
A very real and life-affirming stand against pernicious anti-Semitism.
All right, guys.
TROLLS BITE MELON
Last week my poor friend was a little perplexed.
On a dating app, she listed her likes and dislikes — one of which, innocently enough, was watermelon. (She thinks it’s too watery and tastes funny.)
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Either way, this was promptly met with a barrage of abuse from potential boyfriends (or not now, as the case may be).
“I really hope this isn’t a vile political statement,” one raged.
“You are disgusting,” spat another.
Confused, my friend Googled “watermelon,” deeply fearing that she had inadvertently referenced an obscure sexual peccadillo.
But not.
Of course.
Apparently the watermelon has become a “symbol of Palestinian solidarity”.
Sigh.
Why should we arm absolutely EVERYTHING, including a beautiful, beachy fruit?
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Avocados are at risk of becoming scarce due to climate change.
The superfood, every fitness influencer’s daily staple, needs 320 liters of water to grow and yields are expected to fall by 41% by 2050.
A dark day for the middle classes.
MY CURSE
Last year I wrote about my uncanny ability to book a holiday abroad to coincide with a British heatwave.
I told all of you to stay home whenever I planned to be abroad.
And sure enough, last week I scheduled a four-day break in Tuscany with our first heat wave of the summer.
Absolutely smoking.
This story originally appeared on The-sun.com read the full story
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