With the Canucks’ 2024-2025 regular season still a few months away, here are our predictions for the most absurd, outrageous, and unbelievable season the team could have.
September: Coaches cut 95% of the squad.
After a bad training camp, in which most of the players arrive out of shape and not ready to play, coach Rick Tocchet and the rest of the coaching staff decide to do the most unbelievable thing possible – cut every player from the team. The only one whose job was saved is Dakota Joshua, having kept with him Coach Tocchet’s reminder to “get him.”
October: Canucks lose home opener 8-1.
Like a cruel twist of fate, the home opener arrives and punches Canucks Nation squarely in the face. The roles are reversed, as the Canucks are the team beaten 8-1 in their first game of the season, rather than being the only team to beat a team by that margin. Who knows, maybe this result could also take the Canucks to the Stanley Cup Final.
November: Canucks lower beer prices to $5.
This might be the most outrageous prediction of all. Due to the slanting loss in their home opener, the Canucks see a drop in attendance numbers and are forced to do the only thing that would bring fans back to Rogers Arena – reduce beer prices. Ticket prices remain the same, however.
December: Canucks are caught spying on other teams with a drone and are forced to spend their Christmas break Travis Green-style roller skating.
A member of an opposing team spots Fin flying a drone around their practice facility and exposes them to the NHL. Subsequently, the league considers that the Canucks will be punished for spying on opposing teams’ practices, resulting in the Christmas break being suspended. As additional punishment, the NHL hires Travis Green to make the team do their infamous skates, including the Canucks’ current coaching staff.
January: Canucks are 15-0 on the month.
In what could be the most challenging period of the season, the Canucks do the same thing they did last season – they have a stellar winning record in January. Jokes aside, it would be great for the team not to record a single defeat in a month of games, it’s unlikely they can do that in a month where they play every other day.
February: Canucks make no trades a month before the NHL trade deadline.
A recent pattern that has occurred is the early trade deadline moves of the month that Canucks President of Hockey Operations Jim Rutherford and General Manager Patrik Allvin tend to make. From trading Bo Horvat in 2023 to acquiring Elias Lindholm in 2024, there hasn’t been a season where they haven’t gotten ahead of trade deadline moves as part of the Canucks. Maybe this will be the season they decide to try to “run out of time.”
March: Canucks make a last-minute move to acquire Sidney Crosby.
With three minutes left until the trade deadline, Rutherford and Allvin decide to acquire Canadian hockey legend Sidney Crosby. His presence in the lineup does wonders for their playoff aspirations. Crosby Canucks jerseys sell for over $300.
April: Brock Boeser scores 90 goals by the end of the regular season.
Upon learning that he was not “living up” to his expectations as a 30-goal scorer before the 2023-2024 season, Brock Boeser decides to triple that amount and score 90 goals in the season. His highest goal tally comes when he scores five goals per game against the Toronto Maple Leafs, who coincidentally start Matt Murray during these games.
May: Each playoff series the Canucks play in goes to seven games.
The Canucks excel in the playoffs, defeating their opponents and advancing in each round. However, to do so, each of their series goes to seven games. By the end of the playoffs, players are practically begging for a break.
June: Canucks are about to win the Stanley Cup, but a meteor hits Earth and prevents them from doing so.
In true Canuck fashion, Vancouver is just minutes away from winning the Stanley Cup at home. But before they can do so, scientists receive news that a sudden meteor is approaching Earth at breakneck speed. The players barely manage to evacuate before the meteor crashes onto the ice, coincidentally sending a puck into the Vancouver net. The Stanley Cup Final is considered inconclusive.
July: Canucks do not bring back any of their restricted or unrestricted free agents.
After the meteor frenzy that prevented the Canucks from winning the Stanley Cup, the team is so shaken that none of the players have chosen to return to Vancouver. They take it a step further by signing with the Toronto Maple Leafs, fulfilling the Brad Treliving circle that seems to become prevalent every year or so.
Be sure to bookmark THN’s Vancouver Canucks website for breaking news, exclusive interviews, reviews and more.
Should the Canucks bring back Travis Dermott?
How much does it cost to attend the Vancouver Canucks 2024-25 Home Opener?
Vancouver Sports Highlights in 2024
Vancouver Canucks 2024-25 Milestones Preview: Brock Boeser
Vancouver Canucks 2024-25 Milestones Preview: Elias Pettersson
Canucks Prospect Mynio and Fernström end 2024 World Junior Summer Showcase with losses
Vancouver Canucks 2024-25 Milestones Preview: Quinn Hughes
Canucks Prospects Fernström and Romani Hit the Score at 2024 World Junior Summer Showcase
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/25425462/247099_Changpeng_Zhao_CVirginia_A.jpg?w=150&resize=150,150&ssl=1 "Binance founder sentencing hearing")
